'3 Black Chicks Review...'
Play It To The Bone (1999) Rated R; running time 124 minutes Genre: Comedy IMDB site: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0196857 Official site: http://movies.go.com/playit/index.html Written by: Ron Shelton Directed by: Ron Shelton Starring: Woody Harrelson, Antonio Banderas, Lolita Davidovich, Lucy Liu, Tom Sizemore, Robert Wagner, Richard Masur
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/bamsplayit.html
In the six months since Diva and I created 3BC, I've grown much more tolerant about movies; setting aside outright ig'nant crap like "Supernova", I've learned to roll with the cinematic punches, suspend my disbelief, and give a movie the benefit of the doubt--even those I give the redlight. But I have a line that cannot be crossed: Bammer's First Commandment Of Flicks is, "Thou shalt not be filled to the brink with pointlessness"...
The Story (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**): Vince Bourdreau (Woody Harrelson) and Caesar Dominguez (Antonio Banderas) are best pals and professional boxers With A Past; on their last legs, they're given one last chance at redemption. But their last chance comes at a price: they have to fight each other. Called as a last-minute undercard match, on the day of the fight, by sleazy promoters Hank Goody (Robert Wagner), Joe Domino (Tom Sizemore), and Artie (Richard Masur), they head for Las Vegas by Bad Ass car [I'm not exaggerating; it should've been billed as such in the closing credits]. Taking them on this inexplicable road trip from L.A. to Vegas is the Bad Ass car's owner with whom they've both had "past experience", Grace Pasic (Lolita Davidovich); and joining them after a pit stop is Lia (Lucy Liu), a "free spirit" who never met a drug, or a penis, she didn't like.
The Upshot (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**): "Play It To The Bone" is billed as a Comedy, but it had me asking "why?" and "how?" so many times, it shoulda been classified a Mystery...
The biggest "why?" by far was the completely unrealistic road trip itself. Work with me here: Vince and Ceasar have the fight of their professional lives thrust upon them; given the opportunity by the boxing promoters to take a flight from to Vegas, they instead go pick up Grace (more Weird than the Bad Ass the film tries to make her out to be) so she could drive them there? WHY? Folks, the BS Meter worked overtime on this one. As writer and director, Ron Shelton could've solved this whole problem by making the fight be scheduled for at least "tomorrow", but noooooo. This point alone damn near ruined the entire movie for me; just as the totally unbelievable explanation for keeping Nicholas Cage's character in "Face/Off" alive made me walk out of that flick in disgust, I felt the urge to do the same here. But tolerance won out, and I instead just grumbled under my breath. Of course, it didn't help that, at what Grace called the "halfway point to Vegas", she went on to say they were still five hours out. Even given a trip down the "scenic route", the whole trip between L.A. and L.V. wouldn't take that long.
Another "why?" I mostly know the answer to already: why pad the movie with pointless cameos from the likes of Kevin Costner, Steve Lawrence, and of all people, Rod Stewart? The HBO boxing commentators (Larry Merchant, Jim Lampley, and George Foreman), I could understand; but what with all those pointless cameos by animate and inanimate objects alike, two words came swiftly to mind: "product placement". And while I'm asking questions, here's a "how?" for you to ponder when you see this flick: given that the road trip took 5+ hours, add to that the amount of time it'd take to do all the stuff involved in a professional fight (getting the boxers weighed in, physically examined, properly warmed-up, etc), and the approximate amount of time a normal fight would last. Factoring all that in, ask yourself how the sun could be in the position it was at the end of the movie. Get my drift?
Some would say that my dwelling on such things only set me up to not like this flick; thinking too long and hard about a comedy, they say, often leads to disaster. To those "some", I say this: I hate having my intelligence insulted; and once that happens, even at my most tolerant, the movie in question can never be taken at face value by me. The proof is in the pudding: the vast majority of this review deals with the breaking of my number one Flick Commandment. Shelton earned my disdain for taking such outlandish shortcuts just to get to the sole salvation of the movie: the big fight; and though the big fight made sitting through everything else almost worth it, I don't think I could trust a movie bearing the credit "Written and Directed By Ron Shelton", ever again.
All that said...the big fight was a doozy. I was almost able to forgive the entire movie, because of what happened during the fight. I'm no sports fan--and certainly after this, I'm even less likely to watch real boxing than ever before--but I gotta admit that Shelton et al did a bang-up job in those scenes (no pun intended). I'll say this much: if you dig Antonio Banderas or Woody Harrelson for their looks, you won't want to see what happens to them in the process of their fight. Though I was more impressed with Denzel Washington's physicality during his turn in the ring in "The Hurricane" (given much shorter time on-screen, granted), Harrelson and Banderas were no slouches in the squared circle. In a word, that fight was intense.
But we're not quite done yet with the Mystery: why Lia?
The "Black Factor" [ObDisclaimer: We Are Not A Monolith]: A few weeks back, a 3BC reader asked me why I don't have a "Female Factor" as well as a "Black Factor"; my "Chickness" being as important, so the thought goes, as my "Blackness". I've been looking for an "in" for a FF ever since. Looks like I've found one.
I don't watch TV's "Ally McBeal", but I've seen enough snippets of it to know that co-star Lucy Liu is supposed to be the resident Bad Ass Chick there; having played a similar role in Mel Gibson's "Payback", Liu is likely seen by casting directors as the innocent-looking young thing with a heart of stone, a challenge to men and women alike. I have absolutely no doubt that that's why she was cast in this movie. And I have absolutely no doubt that it was about the dumbest move of all, second only to the illogical road trip itself. As Lia, her entire part in this flick could've been excised from the film and scattered to the wind, with nary a skipped beat. Of course, it would've put the sole onus of being Femme Fatale, square in Davidovich's lap--and with the bizarre way her part was written, that might have been one blow too many.
Why, Shelton; why?
Bammer's Bottom Line "Play it to the Bone" rates a conditional yellow, for its sheer pointlessness; everything up to, and after, the big fight, had me rolling my eyes--but man, that fight was brutal. I haven't been so repulsed, yet so fascinated, by anything in a long time. If you can stomach it (and the "comedy" that precedes it), it's probably the movie for you.
"Play It To The Bone" (rating: yellowlight): "Boom Boom Boom" indeed.
3 Black Chicks...Movie Reviews With Flava! /~\ Rose "Bams" Cooper /','\ 3BlackChicks Enterprises /','`'\ Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 /',',','/`, EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com ICQ: 7760005 `~-._'c / http://www.3blackchicks.com/ `\ ( http://www.dealpilot.com/?partner=1987 /====\
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