'3 Black Chicks Review...'
Eye Of The Beholder (2000) Rated R; running time 107 minutes Genre: Thriller IMDB site: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0120662 Official site: http://www.eyeofthebeholder-movie.com/ Written by: Stephan Elliott Directed by: Stephan Elliott Starring: Ewan McGregor, Ashley Judd, Patrick Bergin, k.d. lang, Jason Priestley, Genevieve Bujold, Cara Reynolds
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/bamsplayit.html
Move over, Supernova: I've already found my choice for second-worst flick of 2000.
The Story (WARNING: **there's nothing to spoil here**) Let's see...Eye (Ewan McGregor) is this super secret agent on His Majesty's Service (we know this, see, because we see him at the beginning of the movie taking pictures of his target with a rifle. That wasn't a typo. A rifle.) who lives a hermetic life behind his computer screen, speaking to no one but his not-really-there daughter Lucy (Cara Reynolds) and his agency contact Hilary (k.d. lang). Eye is losing touch with reality because his wife and daughter disappeared; he deals with it, see, by talking to his not-really-there daughter. Hookay.
But wait, there's more! Eye sees a Mysterious Stranger who he later learns is a criminal named Joanna Eris (Ashley Judd), and because his not-really-there daughter Lucy whispered "Rosebud"...uh, "don't leave her, daddy" to him, Eye stalks Joanna, making up in his mind that Joanna (who looks way older than him) is actually his daughter. Hey, it gets worse: when Eye watches her kill some unknown guy for some unknown reason, he comes to the Brilliant Conclusion that, hey, she's the one for me!
I'm not exaggerating.
The Upshot: Not-really-there daughter Lucy might as well have whispered "Rosebud" to Eye. It would've made about as much sense as anything else in this wanna-be-Deep-but-just-plain-dumb, mess.
I pay "Eye" a compliment when I say "at least it was stylish". But I'll let you in on a little secret: style without substance makes for a lonnnng 107 minutes. I know that Earth Men Are Easy, but let me get this straight: boy stalks girl...boy sees girl kill other boy...weird boy falls for murderous girl? Hookay.
It felt like I walked in on the second part of a two-part movie: the part I obviously didn't see was the one that explained what the heck this movie was about. Whatever Stephan Elliot was smokin' when he came up with this one, I sure as hell don't want any of it.
Almost every single character's story made it seem like the whole damn cast and crew were on hallucinogens. Joanna kills a guy she was about to screw for...what? Hellifi know. Joanna meets wastoid Gary (Jason Priestly), who proceeds to kick her butt for...what? Hellifi know. Dr. Brault (Genevieve Bujold), caretaker of a girl's detention center, was introducted for...what? Helli...well actually, I know this one: we needed something, after all, that would Explain Joanna. Of course, by the time Brault was introduced, it was too late; "Eye" had already crossed the stoopidity threshold, and there was no going back.
It's weird; the only part of this movie that actually seemed believable--when Joanna fell for rich but blind Alex Leonard (Patrick Bergin)--made the movie feel really unbalanced. You see, believability and stoopidity are like oil and water; they just don't mix.
Anyone would want to see this movie for...what?
Hellifi know.
The "Black Factor" [ObDisclaimer: We Are Not A Monolith] We are represented here by way of a couple of big Black female beggars, and a dirty cop. Not that that really mattered; the story itself, as well as all the characters in this flick (save Alex Leonard) were as unreal as not-really-there daughter Lucy.
Bammer's Bottom Line I *knew* there was a reason it took me so long to see this movie.
"Eye Of The Beholder" (rating: redlight) Man, if only I believed in an eye for an Eye...
3 Black Chicks...Movie Reviews With Flava! /~\ Rose "Bams" Cooper /','\ 3BlackChicks Enterprises /','`'\ Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 /',',','/`, EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com ICQ: 7760005 `~-._'c / http://www.3blackchicks.com/ `\ ( http://www.dealpilot.com/?partner=1987 /====\
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