What Planet Are You From? (2000) 1/2 star out of 4. Starring Gary Shandling, Annette Bening, Ben Kingsley, John Goodman, Greg Kinnear and Linda Fiorentino. Directed by Mike Nichols.
"What Planet Are You From?" follows a long line of science fiction films in which male aliens come to Earth for the sole purpose of mating with human females. But the question is, why? What makes Earth women so special that male ETs would travel thousands of light years merely to get ‘em in the sack? I mean with all the millions of planets out there, you're telling me that Earth has the most desirable women in the universe? There's not some hot, green-skinned number on a planet revolving Alpha Centuri who makes the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit models look like Janet Reno?
No offense, ladies, but I don't buy it. As a species, women are for the most part too complicated - and have too many issues - for human males, so how can alien males who know nothing of our culture hope to succeed where the majority of us fall on our butts - and most times more than once.
And that's the beauty of movies such as "What Planet Are You From?"
Unfortunately, the latest member of this small genre is a stinker.
My first clue that something was amiss with "What Planet Are You From?" was found in the writing credits.
While the story is credited to star Garry Shandling and Michael Leeson, the screenplay credit contains four names, including those of Shandling and Leeson. Comedy, like brain surgery, is a delicate procedure and the cliché about too many cooks rightly applies.
"What Planet Are You From?" is listless, lame and limpid. It cannot decide if it wants to be a low-comedy sex farce or a satiric look at male-female relationships and marriage.
Either way, the movie fails. It is neither meat nor fowl. It's an overcooked goulash not fit for cinematic consumption.
The story is simple. A technologically advanced planet consisting of an all-male population, decides to expand by conquering the Earth. How? Easy. They send one of their own to the planet to impregnate a female, which would be the first step.
How that leads to world domination is never explained, and neither is a lot of other aspects of this woeful exercise.
Suffice it to say that when a prop male organ that hums has more charisma than the star to which it is attached, the movie has big problems.
As you watch "What Planet Are You From?", you feel embarrassment for many of the cast members.
Annette Bening, for instance, tries so darn hard to be cute, bubbly and perky that you can almost see the sweat break out on her forehead. And God only knows what Ben Kingsley was thinking as he continually exits airplanes by being flushed down the commode.
Actually, he could have done all of us a favor if had taken all copies of the script with him.
Shandling's laid back, ironic and wry comedy stylings are unsuitable to carry a film. His type of humor is more observational. On the screen, he makes a better second banana, commenting on the foibles of others, than a leading man. What he needed was a Garry Shandling of his own.
"What Planet Are You From?" was directed by Mike Nichols, who is no comedy slouch. And it is understandable what attracted him to the project. The topical humor is a bit reminiscent of the riffs he and Elaine May did 30 or 40 years ago. Well, she had her "Ishtar" and now he has his.
It would be more fun to kick back and watch a guilty pleasure such as "I Married a Monster from Outer Space" or even "Mars Needs Women" than to suffer through "What Planet Are You From?"
One final thought: Why aren't there movies in which beautiful, big-breasted female aliens come to Earth to mate with human males in order to save their planet? Id. volunteer. Oh well, I can dream. And those ramblings will be more enjoyable than sitting through "What Planet Are You From?"
Bob Bloom is the film critic at the Journal and Courier in Lafayette, IN. He can be reached by e-mail at bloom@journal-courier.com or at bobbloom@iquest.net
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