READY TO RUMBLE *1/2 (out of four stars) A review by Jamey Hughton
Starring-David Arquette, Scott Caan, Oliver Platt, Rose McGowan, Diamond Dallas Page, Bill Goldberg, Joe Pantoliano and Martin Landau Director-Brain Robbins Canadian Rating-14A Released by Warner Brothers - 04/00
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An 80-year old woman jumps enthusiastically on her couch, wearing tight-fitting leather, as she cheers on her favorite TV wrestler by calling his opponent a `pump-bitch'. Two men messily eat fast food as their septic truck leaks raw sewage directly behind them. And roughly 17 people are booted in the crotch. Welcome to `Ready to Rumble'. Judging from the fact that potty-mouth Adam Sandler is the reigning box-office comedy champion, you realize -- albeit while shaking your head -- that yes, there is an audience for this sort of thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, I weep for society.
Mind you, when executed with style and comic ingenuity, jokes like an alarming bodily fluid mistaken for hair gel (`There's Something About Mary') and a laxative-induced attack of explosive diarrhea (`Dumb and Dumber') can be extremely funny. Unfortunately, `Ready to Rumble' is not being helmed by the Farrelly brothers, nor is it bolstered by a script that accommodates the viewer with anything even remotely clever or inspired. `Ready to Rumble' is built around the dedicated fan-base of professional wrestling.... which, in fact, sounded like a fine concept for a goofball comedy. But director Brian Robbins and screenwriter Steven Brill handcuff themselves, and limited to a stampede of asinine, humdrum bathroom humor, basically the only thing they manage is to evoke memories of Pauly Shore and `Bio Dome'.
Gordie Boggs (David Arquette) and Sean Dawkins (Scott Caan) take pride in being hardcore WCW wrestling fanatics. By day, they transport raw sewage. By night (particularly on ‘Nitro' Monday), they pay homage to their personal hero and savior - Jimmy King (Oliver Platt), the undisputed leader of the professional wrestling community. With two tickets to an upcoming Nitro performance, Gordie and Sean are psyched about witnessing The King defend his title first-hand. But unscrupulous boxing kingpin Titus Sinclair (Joe Pantoliano, sporting long hair and cowboy boots) has other plans. Sinclair is plotting to have Diamond Dallas Page (playing himself) pummel The King into the tarp, thereby dethroning the dignified wrestler and embarrassing him in front of a bewildered auditorium full of fans. Gordie and Sean are shocked, rioting madly while arguing `this isn't even a Pay-Per View event!!' They take it upon themselves to track The King down and supply the encouragement essential for their fallen idol to make a come-back attempt. Along the way, you can expect a lot of sh-- jokes as well.
You may find something to like in `Ready to Rumble' if a) you are a rasslin' aficionado yourself, or b) you are a dedicated fan of the lowest of low-brow comedies. I welcome low-brow humor with open arms - that is, if its fresh and resourceful. `Rumble' is nothing but a sloppy, frightfully unfunny swamp land of misbegotten retardation. The first half-hour is the ultimate test of patience. Luckily, the simple-minded events pick up steam, particularly with the well-choreographed wrestling action. Director Robbins showed a knack for capturing the brutality and excitement of football in `Varsity Blues', and when in the ring, he does professional work. But the violence is too excessive. Having the fake soap opera of WCW wrestling turn into a bloody skirmish brings back unfortunate memories of Owen Hart's tragic accident just last year, especially with one character's dive during a cage match. This is not something you want a comedy to be reminiscent of. Outside the wrestling action, the lewd jokes and puerile sight gags bring new meaning to the term ‘scattershot', while the dialogue fluctuates in on the vulgarity scale of 1 to 10, with Brill's extensive vocabulary ranging from `diddly' to `boob' and so on. The final tally: I chuckled a few times, groaned a lot, and indulged in one spirited belly laugh involving Martin Landau as a geriatric wrestling coach who fights pretty impressively for 105.
Casting-wise, `Ready to Rumble' is an odd duck. Oliver Platt as a champion wrestling figure? He's perhaps a bit chunky, but fellow wrestlers acknowledge this in the ring by calling him `fatty', which dampens the blow I suppose. Rose McGowan is fully disposable as a sultry WCW cheerleader (`The Nirto-est of the Nitro girls,' proclaims Gordie), but extra pep is added with appearances by wrestlers Goldberg, `Macho Man' Randy Savage and Sting (among others). WCW fans are sure to appreciate these. Others... well, won't. I found merit in David Arquette's bountiful energy as Gordie, which brings me to my finishing.... ahhh.... `praise' for the film: in `Ready to Rumble', I have discovered something even more annoying than Arquette's `AT&T' television commercials. Now there's a low blow for you.
(C) 2000, Jamey Hughton
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