To get an idea of how director Roland Emmerich's ``Godzilla'' stacks up alongside the beloved Japanese series many of us grew up with, imagine taking a child's drawing of Godzilla and blowing it up into a mural that could fill the side of a skyscraper. The result would certainly be bigger, but it would not improve the artistry of the original.
So it goes with this extraordinarily lavish and utterly pointless modernization of ``Godzilla,'' which has numerous high-tech tricks up its sleeve but no real wit or originality.
The screenplay by Emmerich and producer Dean Devlin can't decide whether to play the scenario for campy humor or all-out horror and finally settles on an unsatisfying middle ground. Although the duo eventually generate a bit of suspense - albeit with sequences that essentially are elaborate variations on bits lifted from ``Jurassic Park'' and ``The Lost World'' - the movie wears out both its welcome and its audience's patience long before its nearly two-and-a-half-hour running time is up.
Like the recent ``Lost In Space,'' ``Godzilla'' makes its first mistake by glossing over its origins. The charm of the Godzilla films produced by Toho Studios stems from their bizarre plotting and chintzy production values, and though this ``Godzilla'' utilizes state-of-the-art computer animation and seat-shaking digital sound, it's not nearly as entertaining as one of the truly twisted Toho films, such as ``Godzilla vs. Biolante,'' in which the giant lizard battles an enormous rose that's taken root in Tokyo Harbor.
By contrast, fun in ``Godzilla'' arises only intermittently. It's exciting, for example, to see all the vehicles along a Manhattan street bounce simultaneously as the heavy-footed monster makes his first approach into the city, and to watch Godzilla's whip-like tail carve deep gashes in the facades of familiar New York landmarks. There are also tense moments late in the film as some imperilled humans attempt to escape a demolished Madison Square Garden.
But Emmerich and Devlin never know when to quit. Five minutes of Godzilla rampaging through the Big Apple pumps up the adrenalin; 15 minutes of destruction doesn't heighten the rush.
When the title character is out of sight for too long, however, the movie wheezes to a crawl, as its non-reptile characters are a dull lot indeed. Dr. Nick Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick) is a bright-eyed nice-guy who works for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and who tracks Godzilla from the South Pacific to the East Coast. Meanwhile, Nick's ex-girlfriend Audrey (Maria Pitillo, in a sincerely annoying performance) - an aspiring reporter who shows no evidence of even being able to spell `TV,' but won't let a lack of smarts keep her from becoming a network anchor - tries to use her former flame to get an exclusive on Godzilla's background. Along for the ride are videographer Victor ``Animal'' Palotti (Hank Azaria) and secretive Frenchman Phillippe Roache (Jean Reno), who essentially hijacks Nick into joining his team of monster-hunters.
None of the actors seems particularly inspired, although Azaria tries every once in a while to squeeze some laughs out of his lines. The scenes involving Nick and Audrey re-evaluating their relationship are custom-made for trips to the bathroom or the popcorn counter, as Broderick and Pitillo display absolutely no spark whatsoever.
As in ``Independence Day,'' the previous Emmerich-Devlin teaming, the humor is forced and generally flat. A running gag involving a candy-noshing mayor named Ebert (Michael Lerner) and his useless assistant Gene (Lorry Goldman) becomes tedious in no time at all, and though ``Godzilla'' doesn't have as many dopey one-liners as ``Independence'' did, the ones it does include are groan-worthy.
On a purely technical basis, ``Godzilla'' is impressive enough to merit a mild recommendation. Though the animation doesn't always jibe perfectly with the live-action, the movie has a certain dark visual style, somewhat along the lines of the Tim Burton ``Batman'' epics. Godzilla himself has been overhauled by designer Patrick Tatopoulos (who apparently lent his name to Broderick's character), who has given the creature a more natural look and has allowed him to be considerably sprightlier than ever before. But those expecting a shocker will be let down. Emmerich and Devlin's ``Godzilla'' turns out to be almost as overblown as the 1977 revision of ``King Kong.'' The only thing that might send you screaming from the theater is the horrifying Puff Daddy song heard over the end credits.
James Sanford
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