If there's a little demon who's making your life miserable, ``Air Bud: Golden Receiver'' offers a prime opportunity for sweet revenge. Subject any wild child to 90 minutes of this charmless, preachy and flabbergastingly dull excuse for a movie and the kid will promise you anything in exchange for directions to the door.
The original ``Air Bud'' introduced us to Buddy, a golden retriever with a knack for playing basketball. Amateurishly made, written and acted, this slipshod sequel finds Buddy broadening his horizons by joining the local junior high school football team alongside his drippy 13-year-old owner Josh (Kevin Zegers).
Any vague amusement prompted by the initial sight of the Budster in his canine-size helmet and customized shoulder pads evaporates as the gridiron sequences prove to be nothing more than lazy, badly staged slapstick even young viewers will be hard-pressed to laugh at.
When he's not passing the pigskin, Josh is brooding about his mom Jackie (Cynthia Stevenson) and her budding romance with veterinarian Patrick (Gregory Harrison). At one point Josh gets so perturbed he almost boards a train to San Francisco, but anyone hoping the movie might turn into an eye-opening study of the seamy lives of runaway boys in big cities will be sorely disappointed.
Even the sickening sweetness of the domestic drama is easier to tolerate than the just plain sickening antics of Nora Dunn and Perry Anzilotti as a pair of moronic Russian circus owners trying to add Buddy to their menagerie.
Seeing such former TV faves as Stevenson, Harrison and particularly Dunn striving to maintain some kind of dignity while acting in the company of Tim Conway and a ghoulish-looking Dick Martin provokes sympathetic embarassment, not chuckles.
Director Richard Martin - perhaps you've caught some of his other cinematic jewels, such as ``White Tiger'' and ``North of Pittsburgh'' - is inordinantly fond of medium close-ups, regardless of whether or not they suit the scene. Often it's a challenge to figure out exactly what's happening in the movie and most viewers will give up trying long before the last reel.
James Sanford
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