SMALL TIME CROOKS A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 2000 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): ** 1/2
Heeeeeeeee's back! Woody Allen plays a vintage Woody Allen character resurrected from his films of old in SMALL TIME CROOKS, a movie which he also wrote and directed. It is the starring role in the type of silly comedies that first made him famous. This one isn't in the same league as the classic Woody comedies, which it mimics, but it is a pleasant little movie that's as easy to listen to as Woody's signature jazz scoring.
His script proves better than its delivery perhaps because the actors seem a bit tired, like vaudevillians who've done the same routine so often that they've lost their edge.
"What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man?" Ray (Allen) asks his wife, Frenchy (Tracey Ullman). "I'd say, I'd have to be a bigamist!" she shoots back. Frenchy is an ex-exotic dancer, and Ray is an ex-con who currently makes a living as a dishwasher while he plans a big heist. Neither of them excels in brains or class.
The movie's brief first act concerns the activities of Ray and his cronies as they plan to tunnel under an old pizza shop in order to rob the bank a couple of stores down. As a cover operation, Frenchy turns the pizza joint into a cookie shop. The crime goes bust, but Frenchy's cookies are such a big hit that she's vaulted into stardom as a "cookie mogul." Her empire is known as Sunset Farms, which she, Ray and his two-bit crooks run on autopilot. The rest of the movie revolves around her attempts to get class and Ray's attempts to shun it like the plague.
With their newfound wealth they turn their lavish, new Manhattan apartment into a garish imitation of a bad bordello with more gold than Fort Knox. Their home, Frenchy brags, has a rug with fiber optics that light up in order to create just the right ambiance. And their outlandish outfits match the decor perfectly.
Clearly they need help, so they turn to Wall-Street-broker-turned-art-dealer David (Hugh Grant). Giving him some hint as to her tastes, Frenchy says that she likes, "Rembrandt, Michelangelo, Picasso -- you know, the boys." David, somewhat reluctantly, agrees to conduct a cultural crash course for them. Ray hates the idea. "My idea of a good time is not opera and ruins," says Ray. "I get enough sleep at home."
In a direct parallel with Woody himself, Ray has quite simple needs. He just wants people to laugh at his jokes. But when he tries them on his sophisticated new acquaintances ("Have you heard of the Polish car pool? Every day they meet at work."), they just stare at him without laughing or even blinking an eye.
Eventually the movie ends as much because it just runs out of steam as because the plot has reached its predictable conclusion. Although it has a few nice laughs, the movie never rises above forgettable fluff. If you want to see the real thing, rather than this pale imitation, just rent some of Woody's early pictures and savor what he once was capable of creating.
SMALL TIME CROOKS runs 1:35. It is rated PG for mild language and innuendo and would be acceptable for kids around 8 and up.
Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com
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