BATTLEFIELD EARTH A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 2000 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
In BATTLEFIELD EARTH, grown men get to dress up like Klingons having bad hair days, while uttering some of the silliest dialog this side of a bad 1950s sci-fi flick. The theater should be required to have signs warning customers: "Ye who enter in must be prepared to completely suspend disbelief." Although the film has a few nice, but too dark, special effects, the only reason to see the it is as a guilty pleasure, so you can laugh at John Travolta in an embarrassingly bad performance. His character laughs a lot, too - a hearty and silly "Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha," like a busted toy action figure whose voice chip is stuck in a loop.
Directed confusingly by Roger Christian (MASTERMINDS) and adapted for the screen by first-timer Corey Mandell, the film is based, as most people know, on the science fiction novel of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the Church of Scientology. One can only hope the book was more intelligent than it is portrayed on the screen.
Earth, we learn, in 3000 AD will look a lot like 3000 BC, thanks to our having lost a 9-minute war with the Psychlos, an alien race who has no respect for "man animals" or our "puny sized planet." Earthlings have been reduced to cavemen, who worship the stars in the heavens as gods.
In an over-the-top performance, John Travolta plays Terl, the Psychlos' security chief for earth and the story's main villain. He is a slimeball who is hated by man animals and other Psychlos, as well. (You'll be forced to stare at the Psychlos' ugly pusses and dirty teeth in endless close-ups until you're ready to surrender.) Even Terl's superiors hate him. "Look up," a visiting mucky-muck tells him. "One day, you'll die. And when you end up in hell, it'll be a step up from this planet." Poor earth, which is mainly in ruins, gets dissed a lot in the movie.
The cinematography uses various shades of a slimy blue-green. The picture tries hard to look gross and succeeds. Just to make sure that no one is surreptitiously having a good time, there are some raw rat eating scenes tossed in to spice up the viewing.
Against this race of oppressors, a hero rises up to smite them down. He is Jonnie (Barry Pepper), a man animal whom Terl foolishly hooks up to the Psychlos' learning machine. The Psychlos, who act like imbeciles, think man animals are so stupid that they can't even be taught how to operate simple machinery and are good only for manual labor.
Try to count the number of films that the movie borrows from liberally. First and foremost is STAR WARS, but others include BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID, STAR TREK, BRAVEHEART, BLADE RUNNER, PLANET OF THE APES, MAD MAX and Wagner's "The Ring" series of operas. But whereas the originals are engrossing, BATTLEFIELD EARTH is long and tedious.
As a guilty pleasure, nothing is better than BATTLEFIELD EARTH's totally preposterous concluding segment. As the cavemen keep saying "Piece of cake," they become overnight experts in everything from advanced fighter pilot skills to nuclear engineering. Wow, can those guys ever crack a book. All of that time in the cave must have softened their brains into veritable cranial sponges for knowledge, as they absorb facts at light speed.
Whatever you do, try not to laugh. It may spoil the effect for those around you. They may be buying the story, hook, line and stinker -- I mean sinker.
BATTLEFIELD EARTH runs a long 1:57. It is rated PG-13 for violence and would be acceptable for teenagers. Given the movie's dark intensity, I'd be careful about taking kids under 13.
Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com
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