BATTLEFIELD EARTH
Review by John Beachem
*
Directed by: Roger Christian Written by: L. Ron Hubbard (novel), Corey Mandell
Once in a great while there comes a movie which is regarded as an instant classic. Movies like "Ben Hur" and "The Godfather" were known to be great films the moment they hit theaters. Roger Christian's "Battlefield Earth", based on L. Ron Hubbard's thousand page epic, is not one of these movies. "Battlefield Earth" is more akin to "Plan 9 From Outer Space"; a movie so incredibly bad that it will one day develop a cult following. "Battlefield Earth" is a movie words cannot adequately describe. I hate to say this, but I truly believe it must be witnessed to be fully appreciated. Most bad films have at least one redeeming quality to them; whether it be unintentional laughs, one truly good scene, or some interesting special effects. This movie somehow manages to possess no redeeming qualities. I must admit, it's not an easy task creating such a movie, which is why they only come along once in a great while. Appreciate this movie for the few weeks it will be in theaters folks. You'll not see another one like it for a great while.
It's the 31st century, and man is an endangered species (so the opening credits tell us in a cheap, green home computer font). The Psychlos, a race of nine foot tall whiners, have taken over the planet in a battle which took only nine minutes. Now, 1000 years later, there are only a handful of humans remaining, and they are used as cheap labor by the Psychlos, led by the maniacal Terl (John Travolta). A lone woodsman, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper), is on a quest to find what happend to his people when he is captured by the alien invaders. Found to be somewhat intelligent by the Psychlos, he is trained in how to speak their language and handle their machinery. Tyler soon decides that he must lead his people in a revolt or the human race will become extinct. With nothing but his wits, a few fellow captives, some explosives, and a handy fleet of Harrier jets, he leads his people in a final strike against their oppressors.
Let me start by listing the things I liked about this film. Okay, now on to the rest of the movie. You can tell from the opening titles that you're in for a very bumpy ride. The picture leaps right into its narrative without explaining anything. Instead, we meet Barry Pepper's ("Saving Private Ryan") character, and before we know anything about him, he is off on his quest. In fact, there is no emotional involvment with any character in this movie. At one point, Terl has captured Tyler's girlfriend and threatens to kill her if Tyler doesn't obey him. I think this was supposed to be an emotional scene, watching Tyler grapple with how to save his girlfriend's life. The problem, however, is that we know next to nothing about Tyler, and his girlfriend has just been introduced so we couldn't care less about her. Things are even worse with Tyler's comrades. they die all the time without anyone really knowing just who died. Everytime anyone dies, the music blasts through the theater, the characters scream silently, and the audience stares at the screen in complete confusion about who just bit the dust.
Allow me to now list everything that is wrong with this movie. The scenery is obviously fake and created mostly from models or really bad mat jobs (watch for the mat job on a scene where a character falls off a cliff; it's laughably bad). The special effects look like they were done on the same home computer used for the opening credits. The costumes consist of cheap looking furs for the humans and shoddy silver things for the aliens (Travolta manages to appear even more overweight in his costume). The battle scenes are shot entirely in slow motion and with no sound. These fights consist of watching humans and aliens getting hit by little white bursts of light which bounce off them but cause the victims to fall dead to the ground (except Jonnie Tyler, who gets shot numerous times but always springs back). The dialogue is amazingly cheesy, and is made even worse by the over-the-top performances from all the cast members. The score is quite obnoxious, booming dramatically through the speakers all the time regardless of what the characters are doing. Barry Pepper raises his hand, the music booms dramatically; Barry Pepper eats a raw rat, the score plays so loudly you'll be vibrating in your chair. There is much more to hate in this film, but I don't have room to mention it all in one review.
In case you're wondering just who Roger Christian is, allow me to give you a quick biography. Christian is the fellow who directed 1997's "Masterminds", and little else. He also worked as a crew member on the first "Star Wars" movie, which would explain his affinity for using wipes. The problem is, while George Lucas may have used all sorts of different wipes throughout the "Star Wars" movies, Christian uses the same wipe over and over again in "Battlefield Earth". The wipe starts in the middle and goes outward, again and again, between nearly every scene. Not only is it amateurish to use the same wipe repeatedly, but it's a cheap looking, unimaginative wipe. The actors are given very little to do, and they chew the scenery like you've never seen. Barry Pepper, who was interesting and a little creepy as the Christian sniper in "Saving Private Ryan", is given nothing to do as the always grunting Jonnie Tyler. John Travolta overacts like you've never seen before, and rather than appearing menacing as I believe was intended, he looks like an eight foot tall clown. Only Forest Whitaker ("Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai"), playing Terl's henchman, appears to realize what a horrendous movie he is in.
For nearly any science fiction film, a certain amount of suspension of disbelief is necessary. "Battlefield Earth" requires more than any other movie I have seen in recent years. Nearly every scene contains some ludicrous idea that an eight year old wouldn't buy. Try this out: the Psychlos are interested in mining gold from a mountain, and they use the humans to do so. Jonnie Tyler, being the genius he now is, takes bricked gold from Fort Knox and gives it to Terl in place of the gold they didn't mine. There are two serious oversights here. First, Terl actually believes that Tyler smelted the gold into bricks for him; second, Terl's scanners could find gold ore in a mountain, but he couldn't find any sitting in a demolished Fort Knox? Not ludicrous enough for you? Try this one on for size: Tyler and his troops just happen to find a fleet of Harriers sitting armed, fueled, and in perfect working order after one thousand years. Tyler's men, who could barely speak intelligibly not too long ago, then proceed to learn how to fly them like experts in less than a week. There are dozens of examples like these two, but I've wasted enough time writing about this stupid movie. I'd recommend "Battlefield Earth" to aspiring directors so they can see how NOT to make a sci-fi movie, but to no one else under any circumstances. The movie runs a torturous 117 minutes, and I give it one out of five stars.
Any past movies you want me to review? Send to: johnbeachem@dependentfilms.net For past reviews, movie news, and other fun stuff, visit: http://www.dependentfilms.net
* * * * * - One of the best movies of the year. * * * * - Great flick, try and catch this one. * * * - Okay movie, hits and misses. * * - Pretty bad, see it at your own risk. * - See this one only if you enjoy pain.
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