Screwed (2000)

reviewed by
Michael Dequina


_Screwed_ (PG-13) 1/2* (out of ****)

The tagline for the comedy _Screwed_ is "Everyone gets it in the end." That could not be more true--especially for the audience, who gets it much worse than any of the characters in the film. It is tempting to say that any audience that sees _Screwed_ will themselves feel "screwed." But that's putting it lightly; anyone who sees it would know that a more profane term would be more appropriate.

As bad as the film is, _Screwed_ isn't, well, screwed from the start. In fact, it does hold some degree of promise from a plotting standpoint. Writers Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski (who make their directorial debut with this film) do devise an interesting set of twists from a simple premise: as payback against his slavedriving employer Miss Crock (Elaine Stritch), overworked and underappreciated chauffeur Willard Fillmore (Norm Macdonald) and his friend Rusty (Dave Chappelle) come up with a plan to kidnap Miss Crock's beloved dog and hold it for ransom. Of course, the plan doesn't go quite as they planned, and the turns the plot takes as events quickly spin out of control are not without some inspiration.

Where Alexander and Karaszewski could have used more inspiration are the gags that fill the time between turns of the plot. Ben Stiller's fight with a pooch in _There's_Something_About_Mary_ was indeed hilarious, but other film's attempts to ape that scene have always fallen flat on their faces; _Screwed_'s weak try is no exception. The scene, with Willard spraying blood all over the walls of Miss Crock's house as her dog's teeth remain clenched on his hand, is indicative of the juvenile level of slapsticky humor that dominates the film. An old lady in a hospital hits Rusty in the head with a bedpan. A woman kicks a man a number of times in rapid succession. There's even a running gag where Rusty hits guys in the head with lamps. It's all more numbing than funny.

Alas, the tiresome physical gags aren't numbing enough to spare the audience the pain of spending time with such unpleasant characters. Willard and Rusty aren't charmingly dimwitted--as is the obvious intent--but obnoxiously stupid; Macdonald's whiny performance makes matters even worse. Stritch makes a hateful bitch, but she is so unlikable that it's painful to watch and listen to her; no less than an excruciating death for her character would be a satisfying payoff for the film (needless to say, that doesn't happen). It's rather telling that Danny DeVito's weirdo morgue attendant, a grimy guy who mines dead bodies for hidden treasure, exudes the most charm, comparatively speaking.

Even harder to figure than why Alexander and Karaszewski--who have established themselves as gifted screenwriters (_Ed_Wood_, _The_People_vs._Larry_Flynt_)--wrote _Screwed_ is why they chose this script to serve as their maiden directorial effort. Perhaps they thought that only they would be able to give the script its full justice, but I can't imagine any other filmmaker doing much worse with the already-poor material than they have.

Michael Dequina twotrey@juno.com | michael_jordan@geocities.com | jordan_host@sportsmail.com | mrbrown@iname.com Mr. Brown's Movie Site: http://welcome.to/mrbrown CinemaReview Magazine: http://www.CinemaReview.com on ICQ: #25289934 | on AOL Instant Messenger: MrBrown23


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