GUARDING TESS
A film review by Michael John Legeros
Copyright 1994 Michael John Legeros
Directed by Hugh Wilson Written by Wilson and Peter Torokvei Starring Nicolas Cage and Shirley MacLaine MPAA Rating "PG-13" Running Time 96 minutes
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If Tom Clancy tried to write a sitcom, he'd probably end up with something like GUARDING TESS--a horribly misfired comedy about a by-the-book Secret Service agent assigned to protect a do-anything-she-wants-to former First Lady.
The set-up seems foolproof: team Shirley MacLaine with Nicolas Cage. She's cranky presidential widow Tess Carlisle; he's straight-laced Service man Doug Chesnic. She likes to play golf in thirty-degree weather; he won't let her ride in her car unless properly seated.
She likes having him around; he wants off the assignment.
With only their age differences precluding any obvious romantic interest, this story should've scripted itself. After all, the actors don't need much prodding. MacLaine has already settled into her post-MADAME SOUSATZKA crotchety character. And nobody, I mean *nobody*, does a slow-burn better than Nicolas Cage.
So what's the problem?
GUARDING TESS gets off to a bad start. The writers start the story too late by opening the film at Doug's debriefing. He's finished his three-year tour-of-duty and he wants a more adventurous assignment. The First Lady has other ideas, though, and, with a phone call to the President, demands Doug's return.
That bit is fine in terms of plot device--but it presumes a conflict that the audience hasn't seen. We don't know what's been going on with Tess and Doug. We don't know what he's done or what she hasn't. And without TESS AND DOUG: THE EARLY YEARS to fill us in, the bickering seems blase.
Of course, the film ignores this technicality and spends about an hour letting MacLaine and Cage circle each other like toothless sharks. But the nibbles are few and far between. In fact, the film's scene-stealer is isn't even in a scene! That's director Hugh Wilson as the voice of the president, who's salty tongue chastises Cage in a couple hilarious phone-calls.
Then something terrible happens and GUARDING TESS turns into a drama.
Right at the hour mark, the story gets serious and it's downhill from there. Plot points start swarming like agents on Reagan and, suddenly, nothing's funny anymore.
(Save for the film's one great line that comes at the end.)
In the right context, the drama would've worked wonders. But who can believe such somber sincerity after an hour of failed frivolity? Or, for that matter, Nicolas Cage shooting off people's toes? The shifting tone renders GUARDING TESS almost unwatchable.
BOTTOM LINE: GUARDING TESS is horribly misfired comedy that never
recovers from a radical "tone shift" in mid-film.
Grade: D+
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