SMALL TIME CROOKS
Review by John Beachem
* * *
Directed by: Woody Allen
Written by: Woody Allen
Ray Winkler (Woody Allen) is an ex-con who now works a menial job and dreams of a better life. His latest lame-brain idea is to rent space in a store across from a bank and tunnel under the street into the bank's vault. Ray brings three friends, Denny (Michael Rapaport), Tommy (Tony Darrow), and Benny (Jon Lovitz), into his scheme to help him dig the tunnel. His wife, Frenchy (Tracey Ullman), and her brain dead cousin, May (Elaine May), work a cookie shop in the space they have rented to hide Ray's activities. The plan doesn't work quite the way Ray intended. In fact, it doesn't work at all. The group has been so busy tunnelling they haven't noticed what a hit Frenchy's cookies are, and they decide to turn the little store into a huge franchise. Ray and Frenchy are now rich beyond their wildest dreams, but it affects them in two very different ways. Ray somehow turns into even more of a slob, wanting nothing to do with a rich lifestyle. Frenchy has become so completely infatuated with her new way of life that she hires an art dealer, named David (Hugh Grant), to teach her how to act like her new wealthy friends. Soon Ray and Frenchy are drifting down very different paths, and Frenchy starts to think she may have outgrown Ray.
Let me start by saying that I have never cared for Woody Allen's films, thus my opinion of this movie may be a tad biased. I've never understood Allen's humor - like when Frenchy says something sarcastic to Ray, and he responds with "I'm this close to popping ya Frenchy, just one more word." It wasn't funny back when Jackie Gleason said something similar, and it's somehow even less funny when Allen says it now. The only funny thing about it is that I think Tracey Ullman could probably beat Allen up. I will say this, "Small Time Crooks" actually starts off rather funny, with Ullman given a few amusing, witty comebacks to some of Allen's dumber statements. In fact, the first third or so of the film is really quite funny. Watching the four bumbling criminals try to carry out their plan is uproariously funny at times, especially when they break a pipe in the wall and flood the entire store. Unfortunately, once they make their fortunes, and the whole rags-to-riches story takes over, all the humor is sapped out of the movie. I suppose Allen was trying to show the benefits of a simple life compared to an extravagant one; but if that's the case, he failed miserably. Both lifestyles looked pretty horrendous.
Woody Allen has always seemed to be one of the more irritating actors in Hollywood. I think his stuttering over every word and bumbling around like a buffoon is supposed to be funny, but here's the fact of the matter: Woody Allen is too smart to play a stupid character. I've seen him in interviews, and the man is too intelligent to convincingly play a bumbling idiot. This may be why he has surrounded himself by characters even dumber than Ray. Michael Rapaport ("True Romance") is notorious for playing brainless characters, and he plays more of the same here. Jon Lovitz ("Trapped in Paradise") is infamous for playing irritating characters, and Benny probably would have been fairly annoying if given more screen time. Actually, nearly the entire supporting cast is stupid (I mean that in an unfunny way), irritating, or both. The only exceptions are Tracey Ullman, in the film's first half, and Elaine May (you remember, she wrote and directed "Ishtar" way back when) as the hilariously dense May. If it hadn't been for Elaine May's presence, I probably would have rated this film quite a bit lower. She is so likeable and naive that she can't help but make the movie at least somewhat enjoyable. Last, we have Hugh Grant ("Mickey Blue Eyes"), who serves no purpose and seems to realize this judging by the performance he gives.
The thing which most bothered me about "Small Time Crooks" was that Allen leaves a dozen or so loose ends. Characters vanish half way through the film and are never heard from again; romantic angles arise but are never dealt with; and the ending doesn't tie things up quite the way I would have liked. There are numerous other faults, though they are fairly minor. There isn't much of a soundtrack; some of the scenes feel rushed (the first dinner party and the aftermath of the cookie company being created), while others seem to drag on forever (any scene with Hugh Grant); and the comic pacing is non-existent at the film's midpoint. The film's high points are Elaine May, Ullman's occasional smart-alec comments, and the attempted bank robbery. "Small Time Crooks" does run an admirable 94 minutes at a time when films running less than two hours are becoming a rare breed. Fans of the old Woody Allen films will probably enjoy it because he's back to his screw-ball antics rather than the dramatic pictures of the last few years. If, like me, you don't care for Allen's brand of humor, I'd suggest you skip this one. I give it three out of five stars.
Any past movies you want me to review? Send to: johnbeachem@dependentfilms.net
Past reviews can be found at: http://www.dependentfilms.net, http://www.epinions.com/user-elerad?public3Dyes or http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?John+Beachem
* * * * * - One of the best movies of the year.
* * * * - Great flick, try and catch this one.
* * * - Okay movie, hits and misses.
* * - Pretty bad, see it at your own risk.
* - See this one only if you enjoy pain.
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