THE OPPORTUNISTS A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 2000 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): **
As we all know, crime doesn't pay. But in THE OPPORTUNISTS it is the lack of crime that's infuriating. Directed on snooze control by Myles Connell, who also penned the underwritten script, the movie is s-l-o-w. When, in the last act, the big heist finally gets underway, it is almost enough to rouse the now sleepy audience. Although it's a short movie, five minutes of it feels like an eternity.
The severe pacing problems and the lack of character depth are a shame since the cast does their best within the confines of their poorly developed roles. Poignancy seems always just around the corner. The movie constantly appears ready to take off, but it is rarely able to start its engines. Like an old biplane stuck on a runway, the rickety old plane elicits our sympathy, but we quickly tire of watching it just taxi around.
The film's star, Christopher Walken, plays a lovable loser named Vic Kelly. An ex-con who has long since gone straight, Vic tries to make a living by repairing cars. Not exactly a successful small business owner, he bounces checks wherever he goes. Wait until tomorrow to cash them is his advice to those to whom he writes the checks. Maybe, by tomorrow, he'll have figured out a way to come up with the funds. Or, then again, maybe not.
One day, an unknown cousin from Ireland, Michael (Peter McDonald), comes for a visit. Penniless, Michael encourages Vic to pull off the "fool-proof" burglary scheme of two of Vic's friends, Pat Duffy (Donal Logue) and Jesus Del Toro (José Zúñiga).
Watching THE OPPORTUNISTS finally come into focus is like staring at a picture being downloaded over a slow modem link. Even if you admire the image, the sluggishness of the speed eventually becomes mind-numbing.
THE OPPORTUNISTS runs 1:29. It is rated R for language, but with the exception of a few mildly-delivered F-words, the film would be PG, not even PG-13. Unlike some recent questionable PG-13 movies, such as NUTTY PROFESSOR II, which would be inappropriate for those under 14, THE OPPORTUNISTS would be acceptable for most kids 10 and up.
Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com
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