Here on Earth (2000) Rating: 1.0 stars out of 5.0 stars
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Cast: Chris Klein, Leelee Sobieski, Josh Hartnett, Michael Rooker, Annie Corley, Bruce Greenwood, Annette O'Toole, Elaine Hendrix, Stuart Wilson, Ronni Saxon Written by: Michael Seitzman Directed by: Mark Piznarski Running Time: 96 minutes
Spoiled rich kid Kelley Morse (Chris Klein) receives a new Mercedes for a graduation present. He and his buddies take it for a joyride to a small nearby town, where he proceeds to torment the locals simply because he's rich and they're not. He ends up provoking Jasper (Josh Hartnett) into a race and as a result, the local gas station and diner are destroyed when they crash into it.
Kelley is sentenced to rebuild the diner, and has to live with Jasper in a spare room over his family's barn. Jasper's girlfriend Sam (Leelee Sobieski) soon takes a liking to Kelley however, despite the fact that 1) it was her family's diner that was destroyed and B) all Kelley does is sit around, sulk, and smart off to the townspeople. But when she sees him sweaty and shirtless, that's apparently all she needs to lose her feelings for Jasper (whose only fault seems to be a perpetual case of hat hair).
So Sobieski soon falls in love with Kelley, especially after the day she follows him through the woods and hears him giving his graduation speech (which he was unable to deliver because he caused the DESTRUCTION of property and nearly KILLED dozens of people). In the speech, Kelley quotes a poem by Robert Frost, which just so happens to be Sam's favorite poem as well. Awwwww. Soon they're frolicking around in the fields and for some reason waste no time letting people in town (especially Jasper's best friend) see them together.
Kelley continues to make an ass of himself in town, especially when he shows up at the town dance, drunk and steaming because Sam went with Jasper. Kelley runs off and decides to leave town. Sam catches up to him at the bus station and he asks her to come to Boston with him. Jasper shows up and tearfully confesses to Sam just how much he loves her, and Sam, without even breaking stride basically says "See ya!" and takes off to Boston with Kelley.
Here on Earth goes in so many wrong directions from the start that by the time its fairly decent ending comes around, its completely worthless. Chris Klein and Leelee Sobieski are two of my current favorite young performers, and it's because of their presence that I watched this film in the first place. However, not long into the proceedings I wanted to just reach into the film and strangle them both. I shouldn't have such feelings towards people I like, but their characters are so infuriating that... well trust me, you'll feel the same way.
Even though both of the lead male characters are usually in the wrong, Kelley is hands down the more unlikable of the two, simply because his jerkish actions are calculated. He INTENDS to be a jackass each and every time he does it. Jasper on the other hand, only REACTS to Kelley's provocations, and afterwards comes across as being truly sorry for his impulsive actions. But, as in life, nice guys finish last.
For the entire film we watch Sam fall in love with the guy no one likes while the film's only sympathetic character gets completely crushed. THEN, a cancer subplot comes into play (where things get even MORE infuriating, if you can imagine that). What, things weren't depressing enough for you Mr. Screenwriter? Who greenlit this project? Who "on Earth" thought this would entertain anyone? Perhaps if the film had been structured where Kelley perhaps felt some remorse after he caused the DESTRUCTION of property and nearly KILLED dozens of people. But even after he's destroyed these people's lives he continues to be a snob to them, and ruins one more for good measure.
Here on Earth is available on DVD from Fox Home Entertainment. It contains the film in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1.85:1 and is enhanced for 16x9 televisions. Extras include Jessica Simpson's music video for "Where You Are", a commercial for the film's soundtrack (which by the way is the only good thing about the film), the original theatrical trailer and five TV spots, trailers for other Fox releases (Anna and the King, Anywhere But Here, The Beach, Drive Me Crazy, Ever After, Romeo + Juliet, Simply Irresistible), as well as that new Fox promo touting their upcoming DVD releases that I really enjoy. The picture and sound quality on the disc are fine... nothing that will challenge anyone's audio/video systems of course. Fans of this movie (if any exist) should enjoy the DVD release.
Here on Earth is not entertaining nor is it compelling. No joy or entertainment value can be derived from any of the events of the film. It is merely a waste of time, money and talent.
Reviewed by Chuck Dowling - chuckd21@fdn.com AOL Instant Messenger: FilmJax The Jacksonville Film Journal - http://www.jaxfilmjournal.com/ -- Chuck Dowling Editor - The Jacksonville Film Journal http://www.jaxfilmjournal.com/
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