DOUBLE PARKED
Reviewed by Harvey Karten Castle Hill Productions/Fierce Films Director: Stephen Kinsella Writer: Stephen Kinsella Cast: Callie Thorne, William Sage, Noah Fleiss, Rufus Read, P.J. Brown, Michelle Hurd, Eileen Galindo, Anthony DeSando
"Double Parked" is the sort of movie that is less painful than a root canal but slightly more entertaining than receiving a traffic ticket. A sitcom from the get-go, Stephen Kinsella's "comedy" which seems made for Monday afternoon viewing by desperate housewives, will cause smiles on the faces of audience members who can't get enough of ethnic stereotypes, alarming coincidences, mismatched couples, geeky adolescents, and young toughs who look more like preppies going out for some trick-or-treating than for felonious break-ins. Did I mention the abusive father with the three- day beard and the slurred speech?
The acting, directing and writing are of the sort so insipid, predictable, and unmomentous that "Double Parked" would not even qualify for space on the proverbial shelf that houses films which may or may not be released within a decade. The story is of Rita Ronaldi (Callie Thomas), divorced for the past decade from her abusive, alcoholic husband Warren (P.J. Brown), and unable to keep a job through no fault of her own. After dumping a plate of pasta on her ass-pinching boss (almost reminiscent of Zoe Caldwell's doing likewise to critic John Simon for receiving a nasty review), she finds herself "overqualified" for most gigs despite being obviously uneducated and with little experience in anything meaningful. To add to her woes, her geeky sixth-grader, Matt (Rufus Read, who provided a climax for Todd Solondz's smashing movie "Happiness"), hangs out with his thuggish half-brother, Bret (Noah Fleiss), unaware of their relationship. (All together now: SOAP OPERA!) In denial when Bret's handsome junior high teacher Karl Severson (William Sage) warns her of her son's daydreaming, she can scarcely believe the real problems her asthmatic son faces for chilling with the wrong company. But fortune comes her way as she commences an improbable romance with the boy's teacher and lands a job as a traffic enforcement agent.
As a woman ground down from a disastrous marriage, unable even to perform a no-talent job dishing out summonses to double-parked cars, Callie Thorne is anything but lovely Rita, meter maid. Instead she comes across throughout the film as a cheap, brassy ethnic stereotype who, lacking decent men in her lives, even seems to cross the border into child sexual abuse by loudly demanding hugs and kisses from her kid and at one point doing nothing to discourage the boy's climbing into bed with her. There is not a smidgen of indication that the handsome, educated, well- spoken teacher would think of getting it on with a woman whose personality is so relentlessly grating that the audience would have a tough time sitting through this Slamdance Film Festival release for its jangling 96 minutes. Production notes call this drama "thought-provoking," which is true: it makes one think that the talented Rufus Read had better team up again with Todd Solondz lest his youthful career gets nipped in the bud. This movie has about as much character as its Jersey City location.
Not Rated. Running time: 96 minutes. (C) 2000 by Harvey Karten, film_critic@compuserve.com
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