Summer's here - watch out!
Big Momma's House A Film Review by Michael Redman Copyright 2000 by Michael Redman
No Stars (out of ****)
"It's June," said the walrus to the carpenter, "and it's time to talk of excruciatingly bad movies."
Every summer, the film industry, trusting in the belief supposedly held by P. T. Barnum about how often suckers are brought into this world, dumps a seemingly infinite number of movies into the nation's theaters.
Each of these cinematic offerings, most with a budget roughly equivalent to the GNP of a small industrialized country, are touted as the "Big Summer Blockbuster!" (TM).
There are movies that are hyped as hilarious: you'll be close to a heart attack from laughter. Others are supposed to be the most exciting time you've spent in the dark since your prom date in high school.
Unfortunately the vast majority are better suited for providing an air-conditioned location for napping. The studios are banking on you having so much free time during the warmer months that you'll be willing to fork over a few bucks just to do _something_.
Of course there are the exceptions. Some of the best action films, funniest comedies and even a few exceptional dramas are released while the sun shines. But these are rare.
"Big Momma's House" is not one of these. It's not even an acceptable time-waster. In fact, if it weren't for "Battlefield Earth", it could be in the running for most disappointing film of the season.
FBI agent Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence), master of disguise, is sent to stake out Big Momma's house in a small southern town. Big Momma's granddaughter Sherry (Nia Long) just might come a'visiting along with millions in bank loot and her escaped convict boyfriend.
When the very large matriarch is suddenly called out of town, Malcolm dons a latex Big Momma suit to try to get Sherry to spill the beans.
You can probably guess the rest: a lot of fat jokes, fart jokes, old woman jokes and then Malcolm falls for Sherry. Not one bit of which is even remotely humorous.
The only potentially funny bits are telegraphed well in advance or have been given away in commercials. It's a fewer-than-one-joke film.
Malcolm's disguise looks like a hyper-inflated Cabbage Patch Kid and could only fool someone who has never seen a human being before.
Even Lawrence who has been amusing in other films, comes across as a low-rent Eddie Murphy. The "real" Big Momma ((Ella Mitchell), a huge feisty woman, would have been a much more interesting star. She's fiery and has some energy about her. On the other hand, Lawrence, despite his padding, is smaller than life.
It's a mystery what director Raja Gosnell had in mind. Perhaps he was attempting to recapture the magic that was his directoral debut: "Home Alone 3".
Supposedly screenwriter Darryl Quarles pitched this with a one-line idea and then went home to write it. The result looks like he never got beyond that one line.
The film reminds me of an extended version of the failed sit-com pilots the networks toss into the television schedules to fill time rather than show reruns -- only not as entertaining.
The best part of this film? It's showing at the new Showplace West and the seats are comfortable.
(Michael Redman has written this column for a very long time and you'd think he'd come to know what to expect when the days get longer. But futile hope springs eternal. Email your tales of better times to redman@bluemarble.net.)
[This appeared in the 6/8/2000 "Bloomington Independent", Bloomington, Indiana. Michael Redman can be contacted at redman@bluemarble.net.] -- mailto:redman@bluemarble.net Film reviews archive: http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Michael%20Redman
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