THE WATCHER
Review by John Beachem
* *
Directed by: Joe Charbanic Written by: Darcy Meyers, David Elliot, Clay Ayers
Joel Campbell (James Spader) is an FBI agent whose life was destroyed by one case. The case involved a killer named David Griffin (Keanu Reeves), who would study young women for weeks before strangling them with piano wire. During the course of his exploits, and Campbell's search for him, the hunt turned into a game for Griffin. Now Campbell has moved from Los Angeles, where the murders took place, to Chicago to escape the case. He's also seeing a psychiatrist, named Polly (Marisa Tomei), who is helping him slowly put his life back together. However, David Griffin isn't done with him yet. The killer has followed Campbell to the windy city and is trying to make their game more interesting. He's sending Campbell photos of the young women he will kill, one day before he murders them. Campbell and the Chicago police have that much time to find the woman in the photos before Griffin kills them, and Griffin won't interfere in any way. Campbell has to fight his personal demons about the case and face the fact that he and Griffin are connected. Time is running out too, since the killer has gone through four of the sins, there are only three left, and - oh, sorry, wrong movie.
Newcomer Joe Charbanic's idiotic film, "The Watcher", couldn't have come at a better time. I just finished a review of "Se7en", in which I said for every good serial killer movie we get, we're hit with a dozen poor ones. Well, we got "The Cell", and "The Watcher", so only ten more to go. I don't know about you, but that brings a smile to my face (that was sarcasm by the way). I will give "The Watcher" one thing, it's bad enough that you'll get quite a few unintentional laughs (I actually laughed harder at this movie than at many so called comedies this year). "The Watcher" bills itself as a horror/mystery/thriller. Let's take a look at those, shall we? Horror? Well, it's kind of horrifying to think this was made, but other than that, notta. Mystery? Uhh, I'll give it away right now. Keanu Reeves is the killer, sorry. Thriller? Aside from being thrilled when the end credits rolled, didn't happen. So what kind of movie is this? I haven't the foggiest. I don't think dull qualifies as a genre yet (but thanks to this year, it's getting there), but once it does this movie will fall nicely under that category.
The acting, the acting, where do I begin? Well, as everyone knows by now, Keanu Reeves is indeed the black hole of acting. In other words, not only does he act horribly himself, but his very presence can make other actors look bad. You want to know what made "The Watcher" look even worse? I was so bored by the proceedings I was actually looking forward to Reeves' appearances on screen so I could be entertained in some way (you'd be amazed how entertaining bad acting can be). James Spader (Of all his films, I've only liked him in "Two Days in the Valley") gives his usual emotionless performance, no surprise there. I was, however, surprised that the one intentionally humorous (at least I think it was intentional) scene involved Spader displaying some good comic talent. In the scene, Spader is yanking people off the streets, forcing them to look at a girl's photo. I know, it doesn't sound funny, and it wasn't hysterical or anything, but it was somewhat amusing watching the peoples' faces when they get yanked off the street. Should I spend time on Marissa Tomei? Why bother, Charbanic sure didn't spend any on her. You'll see Ernie Hudson's ("Ghostbusters") name in the credits, but don't bother looking for him since I think he appears in two scenes.
Don't get me wrong, I have a multitude of problems with this movie, but my biggest one was the suspension of disbelief factor. Now, on a scale from one to ten, your average Schwarzenegger movie has a SD factor of seven or eight. "The Watcher" nearly broke the charts. You want an example, eh? Alright, try an entire city hunting for one girl, her picture all over the place, cops hunting every building, and not only does no one find her, but she doesn't notice any of this? To top that one off, she works in a bloody mall! She's surrounded by television screens, all showing her face and shouting her name. I'm as oblivious as the next fellow (okay, maybe a little more so), but you've got to be kidding me. I guess it's possible this was all supposed to be some comment about how people ignore each other in a big city, but if that's the case it sure didn't fit in with the rest of the movie (plus we already know that, this wasn't exactly groundbreaking). I also have to give the film this, I did learn a few things. For example, I didn't know you could hotwire a car in less than five seconds. Keanu does it though, just by snapping the steering console open and turning a wire. Neat, eh? I also learned that police helicopters serve one purpose only: to light the killer's way while he makes his escape. Hey, I didn't say it taught me anything useful.
Perhaps in the hands of a more competent director (or even a film school student) this picture would have worked (but probably not). Instead, we get Charbanic trying such "innovative" techniques as showing things through the killer's eyes by making the screen go blurry, black and white, and shaking the camera around. How does this guy even move, much less stalk young women when his eye sight is that bad? Charbanic also has an irritating affinity for flashbacks. He loves them so much in fact, that he shows the same ones repeatedly. If that wasn't bad enough, they're filmed in that same "killer vision" we see when viewing things through Keanu's eyes. I guess I should mention a few good points, so here goes. There's one supporting character, a cop named Hollis (Chris Ellis), who provides some entertaining moments (he has a phone conversation during a high speed chase for example). There is also a nice score playing during the film's very long opening credits, but unfortunately the soundtrack turns into your typical popular music compilation after that. The film only runs 93 minutes, but I sure thought I'd been in the theater for a week or so. I'd recommend it to those who love unbelievable, cliched serial killer movies (it's sad, but such people are out there. You know who you are) and give it a generous two out of five stars.
Comments? Send to: johnbeachem@dependentfilms.net
Past reviews can be found at: http://www.epinions.com/user-elerad? or http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?John+Beachem
* * * * * - One of the best movies of the year. * * * * - Great flick, try and catch this one. * * * - Okay movie, hits and misses. * * - Pretty bad, see it at your own risk. * - See this one only if you enjoy pain.
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