WHIPPED
Review by John Beachem
* 1/2
Directed by: Peter M. Cohen Written by: Peter M. Cohen
Brad (Brian Van Holt), Zeke (Zorie Barber), Jonathan (Jonathan Abrahams), and Eric (Judah Domke) are four of the most morally repugnant guys you're ever likely to meet. Brad, Zeke, and Jonathan spend their weeks trying to scam women into sleeping with them so they can get together on Sundays and brag about who they scored with. Eric, however, is unhappily married and no longer fits in with the group. The other three are enjoying their lifestyle until one day they meet the same girl, Mia (Amanda Peet). Mia is the kind of girl every guy dreams of: beautiful, interesting, intelligent, and she has a real interest in what the guys are into. Soon the three men are battling it out with each other for Mia's affections, each convinced that she likes him more than the others. Mia, meanwhile, claims she simply can't choose one over any of the others because she likes them all equally. Time's running out, the friendship is growing more and more strained, and Eric's life is growing more miserable without the guys to talk to. Will Mia make a choice? Is Mia really scamming them to get even for the way they treat women? Does anyone really care?
To call "Whipped" vulgar would be laughably inadequate. To call it disgusting would be like saying "the holocaust was bad". In the first fifteen minutes of this film I was thinking to myself: "Gee, gross-out humor, what do you know." Within the first twenty five minutes I realized the movie was much more than just your typical gross-out movie. "Whipped" is, conceivably, the most disgusting movie I've ever seen. Do I mean it's full of your basic fart jokes? No, I mean this is a movie designed only for those who want to hear about the most depraved, revolting sexual acts known to man. To enjoy this movie (assuming that's possible) you have to not only hear about these acts, but you have to be able to find them highly amusing. As for me, I just wanted to stand up and run out of the theater, and I saw quite a few people do just that. I decided to stay not because I was enjoying the movie, but out of sheer morbid curiosity. I wanted to see what they could possibly think of that would be more disgusting than the last "joke" I'd heard. I have to hand it to Peter Cohen, he managed to top himself every time.
So, can I recommend the movie on the basis of acting? Not in the slightest. Other than Amanda Peet, every actor was a relative newcomer, and I don't think any of them will go on to great careers. Brian Van Holt plays the reprehensible Brad. However, while Brad is supposed to be worthy of all our hate, Van Holt plays him in such a sickeningly over-the-top way, we eventually start hating Van Holt rather than Brad. Zorie Barber (who also co-produced) plays the loathsome Zeke. While the character of Zeke is certainly worthy of all our hate, the actor is worthy of even more. Whoever told the man to go into a career in acting should be locked away for the good of society. To say Zorie Barber acts poorly would be far too kind. Barber is one of those actors who is obviously running his next line through his head, waiting to say it while the other actors speak. It's the kind of acting you see in your average high school play. Jonathan Abrahams overplays the part of the sensitive guy far too much, but he's not quite as irritating as Van Holt and Barber. Judah Domke does nothing but blink a lot and mutter about how much he hates being married. You're no doubt wondering if Amanda Peet adds some spark of life to this dreary cast. Well, she does, but she's not half as good as she was in "The Whole Nine Yards". I don't think this was her fault, it's just that her last movie was funny, and this one is far from it. Peter Cohen himself shows up in a cameo as a pizza delivery guy; and if I'd known it was him, I would have booed at the screen.
Are there any funny scenes in "Whipped"? I think so, but I can't seem to remember what they are. I'm sure a few real jokes got by me while I was cringing away from the screen in horror. The rest of the audience, made up primarily of teen-agers (that R rating means nothing these days), were laughing, but it was nervous, sporadic laughter. Like I said, quite a few people got up and walked out. I just had to keep repeating to myself, "you're getting paid for this, you're getting paid for this." That didn't help much. In addition to the lack of laughs, the constant gross-outs, and the terrible acting, "Whipped" features some fairly incompetent direction. Peter Cohen is a first time director and a first time screen writer, and his lack of experience combined with his apparent lack of talent makes for a movie which your average college student could have done better. Not only is the comic pacing non-existent, but Cohen throws in occasional interviews with the characters which I don't think were even supposed to be funny (if that's the case, they succeeded admirably). Why are these interviews present? Your guess is as good as mine. I think Cohen wanted to get a message across as well. The message is something like this: love is bad, marriage is worse, guys are evil, women are evil, all people searching for relationships are really short-con operators. If you can think of a more revolting message, let me know.
I hated to say this back in April when it was only a creeping suspicion, but now that it's September, I believe I can safely say that the year 2000 is one of the worst years in cinematic history. If I were forced to make a top ten of the year list right now, I couldn't think of ten films to put on it. If I had to make a bottom ten list, you can rest assured "Whipped" would hold a place of honor (though "Battlefield Earth" still has a firm hold on the number one slot). I'll give this to Peter Cohen - I've never seen anything quite like "Whipped". It's a gross-out comedy without the comedy. It also has no discernable soundtrack other than a goofy number playing while Jonathan runs a vibrator all over himself (don't ask, I don't want to talk about it). There is a little twist at the end of the movie, but you will greet it in one of two ways: either you'll have seen it coming a mile off (I fall under that category), or you simply won't care. Thankfully, the movie only runs 85 minutes, but that's almost an hour and a half too long. I'd recommend "Whipped" to anyone who likes their gross-out humor purely sexual in nature and not particularly funny. I give it one and a half out of five stars.
Comments? Send to: johnbeachem@dependentfilms.net
Past reviews can be found at: http://www.epinions.com/user-elerad or http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?John+Beachem
* * * * * - One of the best movies of the year. * * * * - Great flick, try and catch this one. * * * - Okay movie, hits and misses. * * - Pretty bad, see it at your own risk. * - See this one only if you enjoy pain.
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