URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT
Review by John Beachem
* 1/2
Directed by: John Ottman Written by: Silvio Horta, Paul Harris Boardman, Scott Derrickson
The events of the first "Urban Legends" film have become urban legends themselves. The only person still hanging around to talk about them is the security guard, Reese (Loretta Devine). She's now at a different school, but the same thing seems to be happening again. This time, film student Amy Mayfield (Jennifer Morrison) is making a movie about the killer from the first movie. Professor Solomon (Hart Bochner) encourages her to proceed, as does her friend and fellow student film director, Travis Stark (Matthew Davis). So, gathering a crew of film students, she sets about making her movie. There's just one problem, a real serial killer has started wiping out her cast. Amy's theory is that it's another film student who is seeking to kill all competition for the much coveted Alfred Hitchcock award. The award includes a large sum of cash, and a chance to direct a real motion picture in Hollywood. Now Amy and her friends have to find out who the killer is before she runs out of crew members. Could it be Graham (Joey Lawrence), the student making another slasher movie? Or how about Toby (Anson Mount), the slightly off kilter sound guy. Of course, the real mystery is to find out if anyone really cares.
Hah! Sorry, that just slipped out. Truth be told, I couldn't help but laugh at this stupid movie. I think I would have lost my mind if I hadn't. "Urban Legends: Final Cut" is such a ridiculously stupid movie you'll probably spend half your time staring blankly at the screen, shocked that this thing ever got the green light. I personally stumbled out of the theater searching vainly for something strong to drink. "ULFC" will appeal to one group, those who love mindless, cookie-cutter teen slasher movies. All the rest of us will react with varying degrees of disgust. At first I was actually willing to brush the film off with a two star rating for being yet another stupid, harmless slasher movie. Then it did something flat out insulting. The writers had the gall to talk about Hitchcock in this film. They dared to compare this piece of garbage to the master in any way? I think that's punishable by death in some states (or if it isn't, it certainly should be). I can picture the master right now, rolling in his grave at the thought of his name being thrown about in some cheesy teen movie. It's enough to make on violently ill.
The cast in "ULFC" is full of your traditional teen movie stars. You know the type, people who are nice to look at but don't have anything even remotely resembling talent. First up is Jennifer Morrison ("Stir of Echoes"). Comely? Yes. Talented? Far from it. She seems to have been educated at the Jennifer Lopez school for acting, where students are taught that talking softly makes you appear to have acting skills. Next we've got Matthew Davis, making his first (and hopefully last) appearance in a feature film. I think Matthew was educated at the Freddie Prinze school for acting. There they teach students to say little, but occasionally smile slightly at the camera so all the girls in the audience can swoon. He should get a refund, because I didn't hear any girls swooning. The talented Anthony Anderson ("Me, Myself, and Irene") makes an appearance as the school's film geek, but he has hardly any screen time. He does get one of the film's few truly funny scenes however. The remaining actors fall into the "don't care who they are or what they've done" category, with the exception of Jessica Cauffiel (last seen destroying her boyfriend's car in "Road Trip"). Jessica does a great job playing a girl who can't act. Take that in whatever context you'd like.
Much as I'd like to blame John Ottman for this movie I can't. Why do I want to blame him? Well, I'm more than a little irritated with him for giving up composing (he composed the great theme to the equally great "The Usual Suspects") so he could direct a movie like this. No, all the blame can rest firmly on the shoulders of the film's three writers (another bad movie with multiple writers. What is this?). This script is so insipidly stupid it doesn't deserve to be analyzed, but I'm going to anyway. First of all, the title makes no sense. Granted, the characters are making a movie about the first "Urban Legends" film, but the killer doesn't kill based on urban legends (except for the first victim, but that was the movie's only somewhat interesting scene). Second, the mystery element is terrible. It's painfully obvious who the killer is. I won't say here of course, but if you don't figure it out you must have been asleep (not that I can blame you for that. Wish I'd fallen asleep). Third, the movie is more predictable than - than - I can't even think of a comparison. You know exactly who is going to die from the first ten minutes of the movie. Finally, the script borrows from everything. From "The Blair Witch Project", from ever slasher film ever made, even from "The Usual Suspects" (at least there was a scene that had a Usual Suspects feel to it).
Okay, now that I've ground another movie into the dirt and spit on it, I guess I should make note of the film's good points (this won't take long). There is one good gore scene for all the gore lovers out there. Anthony Anderson does have a few funny moments. That about does it. One thing that really shocked me was that we had a serial killer dressed in fencing garb (or at least the mask) and we didn't get one "En Garde" or "Touche". That just shows lack of ability on the parts of the writers (Hah! as though everything else didn't). The film's score is decent enough, and big surprise, it's by John Ottman. "Urban Legends: Final Cut" runs 100 minutes, which is about an hour and a half too long. At one point the characters say that the question was asked, "Is film more important than life?" Whoever asked that obviously never saw this movie. I recommend "ULFC" to those strange people who love cliche ridden, predictable teen slasher movies, but to no one else. I give the film one and a half out of five stars. Oh! Before I forget, the film does contain one legitimate scare: it leaves itself open for a sequel. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Comments? Send to: johnbeachem@dependentfilms.net
Past reviews can be found at: http://www.epinions.com/user-elerad or http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?John+Beachem
* * * * * - One of the best movies of the year. * * * * - Great flick, try and catch this one. * * * - Okay movie, hits and misses. * * - Pretty bad, see it at your own risk. * - See this one only if you enjoy pain.
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