DUNGEONS & DRAGONS (2000) / * 1/2
Directed by Courtney Solomon. Screenplay by Topper Lilien and Carroll Cartwright, based on the game created by E Gary Gygax. Starring Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans, Zoe McLellan. Running time: 107 minutes. Rated PG for frightening scenes by the MFCB. Reviewed on December 21st, 2000.
By SHANNON PATRICK SULLIVAN
Okay, I admit it. As a critic, I'm supposed to approach any movie objectively, but that isn't always the case. There are some films I'm just predisposed to liking -- anything starring Jimmy Stewart, for example.
"Dungeons & Dragons" falls into this category. I've been a participant in the role-playing game for thirteen years, and have anticipated its big-screen treatment for some time. To further whet my appetite, the film features a cameo by one of my favourite actors (Tom Baker, the curly-haired Time Lord with the immense scarf on the BBC's "Doctor Who"). And this is on top of boasting two traditionally excellent actors in Jeremy Irons and Thora Birch.
First, let's be clear: "Dungeons & Dragons" isn't really "based on" the role-playing game. That's because there's not a lot of source material: D&D, the game, is a set of mechanics sparsely peppered with vague background. You could just as easily create a movie based on "Monopoly" or "Yahtzee". The basic idea is to take the rules set down in the D&D game and apply them to a scenario invented by the players themselves.
The world depicted in "Dungeons & Dragons", the movie, is therefore entirely an invention of producer/director Courtney Solomon and writers Topper Lilien and Carroll Cartwright. At best, "Dungeons & Dragons" adheres to the rules laid down in the game, and then only loosely.
The Empire of Izmer is on the brink of civil war. Socially-conscious young Empress Savina (Birch) is locked in a struggle with the ruling Council of Mages, led by Profion (Irons). Profion desires power for himself, but Savina wields an enchanted staff which allows her to control mighty gold dragons. Through his brutish underling Damodar (Bruce Payne), Profion learns of another magical staff which would permit him to command red dragons. However, the roguish Ridley (Justin Whalin) uncovers Profion's plot, and sets out on a quest to find the staff first.
Ridley quickly accumulates a party of allies, including his thieving partner Snails (Marlon Wayans), apprentice magic-user Norda (Zoe McLellan), elven tracker Marrina (Kristen Wilson) and gluttonous dwarf Elwood (Lee Arenberg). (The name Elwood comes from the press material -- if the dwarf is ever actually named onscreen, I didn't hear it.) The amusing thing is that, with the exception of Snails, Ridley's companions accomplish nothing beyond serving as convenient hostages for the bad guys. One amusing scene, in which they confront Profion one after the other only to each be instantly despatched by the villain, tells the whole story.
His adventuring band assembled, Ridley endures a series of dungeons and mazes, eventually leading to the recovery of the fabled staff. With the dungeons dispensed with, what comes next but -- you guessed it -- the dragons. Lots of them. Apparently, someone didn't quite realise that "Dungeons & Dragons" is just a cute, alliterative name for the game, not its complete description.
Solomon allegedly spent a decade crafting the storyline for this film, but it scarcely shows. Frankly, I've seen better D&D adventures put together on the spur of the moment at the start of a gaming session. At its best, D&D allows participants' imaginations to soar. Solomon, on the other hand, has kept his story firmly rooted in the most laboured cliches of the genre -- everything from sliding walls to those boobytrapped floors where you have to step on just the right stones to make it across. It's telling that one of the movie's seemingly more interesting scenes, in which Ridley and Norda actually enter a magic map and confront the spirit dwelling within, is reported purely through dialogue.
The acting in "Dungeons & Dragons" is almost universally abysmal. Whalin (who was the second, far duller Jimmy Olsen in the "Lois & Clark" TV series) and McLellan have clearly been cast purely for their all-American good looks; their overacting is embarrassing to behold. Only Irons surpasses them in this regard, chewing the scenery with gusto literally every time he appears. Birch shows none of the prowess she demonstrated in "American Beauty" -- she utters lines of dialogue as though her mouth was filled with marbles, and she lives up to her surname for wooden acting. Payne apparently spends the entire movie under the misapprehension that talking in a raspy voice makes him sound menacing and not at all like a guy in need of some Vicks Vapo-Rub; he inexplicably wears silver lipstick throughout, to boot. Virtually the only reasonable acting is offered by Wayans, but this is mitigated by the fact that his role as the cowardly, covetous Snails verges on being a racist stereotype.
None of them are helped out by the clumsy, cheesy script concocted by Lilien and Cartwright. As bad as the delivery might be, in many cases the actual dialogue is even worse. Consider this hair-curling exchange. Profion: "I shall invent a NEW DESTINY of PAIN for you... and NEW SENSES with which to FEEL IT!" Ridley: "Not if I kill you first!" (Truly, the snappy comeback is a lost art.) And everything leads up to an ending which tries to be touching and inspiring, but only manages to be sappy and confused.
Visually, "Dungeons & Dragons" is respectable, with scenes of dragons in combat above Izmer looking particularly good (albeit clearly computer-generated). However, it does appear that the production was running low on funds for some sequences -- for instance, count the number of times Ridley and friends seem to pass the exact same copse of trees. (Then again, maybe they accidentally let Irons loose on that particular set.)
Otherwise, about the only thing "Dungeons & Dragons" has going for it is that it at least falls into the category of films so bad they're funny. It's difficult to be bored sitting through this one when you're spending the whole time laughing at it (at it, mind you, not with it). If ever there was a compelling reason to revive the late, lamented "Mystery Science Theater 3000", "Dungeons & Dragons" is it.
Copyright © 2000 Shannon Patrick Sullivan. Archived at The Popcorn Gallery, http://www.physics.mun.ca/~sps/movies/DungeonsAndDragons.html
_______________________________________________________________________ / Shannon Patrick Sullivan | "We are all in the gutter, but some of us \ | shannon@mun.ca | are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde | \___________________________|__________________________________________/ | Popcorn Gallery Movie Reviews www.physics.mun.ca/~sps/movies.html | | Doctor Who: A Brief History of Time (Travel) /drwho.html |
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