'3BlackChicks Review...'
DOWN TO EARTH (2001) Rated PG-13; running time 95 minutes Genre: Comedy Seen at: Jack Lokes' Celebration Cinema (Lansing, Michigan) Official site: http://www.downtoearthmovie.com/ IMDB site: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0231775 Written by: Louis C.K., Lance Crouther, Ali LeRoi, Chris Rock Directed by: Paul Weitz, Chris Weitz Cast: Chris Rock, Regina King, Mark Addy, Frankie Faison, Eugene Levy, Chazz Palminteri, Greg Germann, Jennifer Coolidge, Wanda Sykes
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2001 Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/bamsdowntoearth.html
You ever feel like you really, really wanted to sneeze - I mean really, *really*, wanted to sneeze - and no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't do much more than let out an insincere snort or two?
Substitute "laugh" for "sneeze" in the above sentence, and you'll know how I felt while watching DOWN TO EARTH.
The Story (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**): The pitch probably went a lil' sum'n like this:
"There's this guy, see, who's a frustrated jock, and he's on the verge of becoming unfrustrated, when this gang of angels - let's call them Mr. King (Chazz Palminteri) and his bumbling assistant, Keyes (Eugene Levy) - takes him from this earthly veil a few years before he was due. The frustrated jock grumbles about this, so the angels put him in a dead quarterback's body, and he goes on to win the pro championship and lives happily ever after!"
"What's that? Warren who? Ok, never mind. How about we make him a mediocre comic...hey, I know, make him a mediocre _Black_ comic! And let's name him Lance Barton (Chris Rock), and put him into a rich White guy's body, and have Lance the inner guy try to squeeze up on Shaniqua...nah, that's too obvious; let's make her Suntee (Regina King) the Social Activist...but Suntee - who can only see the White outer guy - hates Wellington The Rich White Guy because he keeps ignoring her Activator...er, Activism; and for kicks, let's have Well be a lardbutt whose slutty wife (Jennifer Coolidge) sneaks around with Well's skanky lawyer Sklar (Greg Germann) to plan Well's murder...and hey, for more giggles, let's have Lance - in Well's body, but with his Ghetto Mindset fully in place - not only win over the hearts and minds of his sassy maid Wanda (Wanda Sykes) and uptight Brit butler Cisco (Mark Addy), but also bop up and down The Mean Streets Of New York blasting Jungle Music and attracting attention from the natives, who'll have no part of Wellington The Rich White Guy emulating their musical stylings and cultural traditions! Yeah, that'll be FUNN NEEE!"
The Upshot: Man, this flick was bad, almost to the point of pain. This movie was just Wrong in so many ways. I shouldn't be surprised, not with two credited directors and a gazillion writers (including, not surprisingly, Rock himself).
I laughed a few times, but always in isolated, "that was a cute gag", circumstances. I spent most of the time wondering about how We can be so hypocritical at times (see the "Black Factor" for more on this), why on earth anyone would bring their young child to witness Rock's typically-foul mouth (ditto), and whether or not someone at the WB would get the bright idea to make this movie into a weekly series. I was about to say "I really hope not", but since I don't watch the WB anyway, no worries.
I snickered at Wanda "watch me twist my neck" Sykes' antics, but I saw a lot of the gags (including the Black-man-and-a-taxi) coming from miles away. Most of all, I feel sorriest for Regina King (Suntee? As my bud Jim Hill would say, render unto me a break) and Frankie Faison (Whitney), who seem to get enough steady work as The Sidekick, The Comic Relief, or The Street Hustler, but whose true talents aren't showcased nearly as much as they should be; that streak continues, here. As for the Rock man himself, I have no such remorse for him; he'll get a big enough paycheck for this one. And I'll go back to my "avoid remakes if at all possible" stance. Until the next flick comes down the pike, that is. The things I do for 3BC...
The "Black Factor" [ObDisclaimer: We Are Not A Monolith]: Take away my Ghetto Pass if you must, but surely, I can't be the only one who thinks it's the ultimate in hypocrisy for Us to get all offended and sh...tuff when White comics crack on Black folks using the same language that *Black* comics use, can I? Yeah yeah yeah, "only family can dog family"...I've heard it all before. What. Ever.
And I've changed my mind; I'm not gonna call out the Black family that brought their very young son to see this, though I cringed when the kid starting howling at some of Rock's more...colorful language. It's not really that family's fault; not when the idiots running the MPAA gave this one a *PG-13* rating. But I shouldn't be surprised: this is the same MPAA that, in all their sublime cluelessness, gave BILLY ELLIOT an R rating. Pardon my french, but the MPAA can kiss my Bl[MPAA WARNING: LANGUAGE NOT FIT FOR CHILDREN UNDER 13. UNLESS THEY'RE FRENCH.]
Bammer's Bottom Line: DOWN TO EARTH was a prime example of why I Hate Remakes. If *this* is what your movies are gonna look like, Chris, stick with stand-up. You're a whole lot funnier on stage than in lame flicks like this one.
DOWN TO EARTH (rating: yellowlight): Hear ye, hear ye: Bammer declares the rest of 2001 "Remake-free Year". You may go back to what you were doing now. Have a nice day.
Rose "Bams" Cooper Webchick and Editor, 3BlackChicks Review Movie Reviews With Flava! Copyright Rose Cooper, 2001 EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com http://www.3blackchicks.com/
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