MILK MONEY
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1994 James Berardinelli
Rating (0 to 10): 5.2
Date Released: 8/31/94 Running Length: 1:47 Rated: PG-13 (Mature themes, language)
Starring: Melanie Griffith, Ed Harris, Michael Patrick Carter, Malcolm McDowell, Anne Heche Director: Richard Benjamin Producers: Kathleen Kennedy and Frank Marshall Screenplay: John Matison Music: Michael Convertino Released by Paramount Pictures
Some movies just don't know when enough is enough. Such is the case with MILK MONEY, an airheaded romantic comedy that, for some unfathomable reason, has chosen to incorporate certain action/thriller elements--car chases, gunplay, explosions--into its mix. Instead of enhancing the entertainment value, these things nearly destroy it.
Fans of PRETTY WOMAN will probably enjoy this motion picture. MILK MONEY shares a lot with the Julia Roberts/Richard Gere CINDERELLA fable, including an unfortunate tendency to glamorize prostitution. Actually, this film isn't as obvious as PRETTY WOMAN on that score. In many ways, it's more like (of all the unlikely candidates) LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. The dreams of Vee (Melanie Griffith) bear a striking resemblance to those of Audrey--give up streetwalking for a life with a caring husband "Somewhere that's Green."
At some point during early adolescence, every boy starts to wonder about sex. That's how MILK MONEY opens--with the musings of young Frank Wheeler (Michael Patrick Carter) and his two friends. The scenes of these three together in their tree-house, trying to decide the purpose of a diaphragm (is it used to stop sperm or cover a bathroom drain?) and plotting to see a nude woman, are by far the most charming moments this film has to offer. They open MILK MONEY with a promise that quickly fades away.
Pooling their savings, the trio heads to the nearby "big city" of Pittsburgh, where anything is rumored to be for sale. There, they meet prostitute Vee, who gives them an eyefull for $100. As the satisfied adventurers prepare to return to the suburbs, they discover that their bikes have been stolen. The ever-helpful Vee agrees to give them a lift, but when she stops the car outside Frank's house to let him off, it stalls.
Going inside to use the phone, Vee meets Frank's dad Tom (Ed Harris)--and here's where the romantic comedy takes off. Frank tells Tom that Vee is a math tutor, an identity mix-up that results in several conversations loaded with double-entendres (none of which are exceptionally clever). Then there's also a subplot involving Malcolm McDowell as an angry gangster who thinks Vee stole a load of money.
MILK MONEY is a mixed bag. Certain scenes work very well, others are routine, and a few too many fail miserably. Everything with Malcolm McDowell should have been excised. The sinister character he plays doesn't belong in something this frothy.
Melanie Griffith generally makes the audience suffer when she attempts anything dramatic (who could forget SHINING THROUGH or A STRANGER AMONG US?). Fortunately, MILK MONEY concentrates on her comic abilities which, if not ample, are adequate. There's one embarrassing scene where she makes a statement that she's a person, not a possession, but moments of that sort are mercifully kept to a minimum.
Ed Harris plays Tom with reserve and dignity (he's a science teacher who's the lone force behind a local effort to preserve a dwindling tract of wetlands), and the unlikely pairing of him with Griffith works. They don't make one of the best screen couples, but there have been many worse choices in the past few years.
MILK MONEY is not a detestable motion picture. On the contrary, there are a lot of likeable things about it. The problem is that "likeable" doesn't always translate into "good." The film's flaws are obvious, and frequently detract from the enjoyment of the product. The ending, as might be expected, can be thrown away completely. It's from the Hollywood school of how to wrap everything neatly in a happy little package.
If you intend to see this movie, be wary of how much of your own hard-earned milk money you're willing to spend.
- James Berardinelli (blake7@cc.bellcore.com)
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