IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE
A film review by Christopher Null
Copyright 2001 filmcritic.com
filmcritic.com
Pity poor Muse Watson. Ever since those darn kids ran him over with their car in I Know What You Did Last Summer, he just hasn't been right in the head.
This time out, he and his ultra-redneck brothers are invading an Ohio suburb -- God knows why -- hell bent on destroying everyone and everything inside a lonely house at the end of the street.
For nearly 80 minutes Muse and his crew terrorize this poor suburban family, but little do they know the teenage LoriBeth (Stephanie Jones) is ready to take them on, and she'll turn anything into a weapon of mass destruction -- chairs, knives, fireplace pokers, shards of glass, even the gunpowder emptied from a shotgun shell.
Most of the film consists of LoriBeth running, hiding, climbing, and fighting off the predators -- including two memorable trips up the chimney. While she manages to get on an Internet chat board to beg for help, the phone never seems to be an option for her (note to LoriBeth: a modem can dial 911, too).
While it's uninspired, If I Die Before I Wake is often genuinely thrilling, and writer/director Brian Katkin surprises us by killing off plenty of bad and good guys alike. For her part, the nubile Jones seems to be making a living off movies like this (and, for example, Rumplestiltskin), and she's fun enough to watch whether she's shimmying under the bed or across the roof. Someone give this girl some legitimate work, will ya?
RATING: **
|------------------------------|
\ ***** Perfection \
\ **** Good, memorable film \
\ *** Average, hits and misses \
\ ** Sub-par on many levels \
\ * Unquestionably awful \
|------------------------------|
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Brian Katkin Producer: Willie Boudevin, P.J. Pettiette Writer: Brian Katkin Starring: Stephanie Jones, Muse Watson, Michael McCleery, Anthony Nicosia, Mary Kathleen Gordon, John Gavagin, Kristian Hans Horn, Coryanne Sennett
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