"Evolution" – One Giant Step Back by Homer Yen (c) 2001
There are some film's that have long running times but seem relatively short (like "Titanic"). Then, there are some films with short running times but seem really lo-o-ong. This is how you'll feel after watching "Evolution", a 100-minute film that seems to take as much time to resolve itself as it took for man to evolve from ape.
This never-ending feeling occurs because there just isn't enough for the talented cast of characters to do. The film introduces a world-ending dilemma and resolves the issue by administering an enema. Pardon my bad poetry. But in between, there is no excitement and only a little drama. However, there are lots of creepy critters and a disproportionate amount of ass jokes if that strikes your fancy.
"Evolution" is about a meteor that crash-lands on Earth. Within this rock, there oozes primordial liquid. Two local community college professors, Ira Kane (David Duchovny) and Harry Block (Orlando Jones), are the first scientists to make this fascinating discovery. This could elevate them from adjunct status at their college to Nobel Prize winners. "Do they pay the Nobel Prize in installments or one lump sum," Harry asks excitedly. Ira, however, is more concerned with the astounding rate in which the organisms are evolving.
Soon, a new species of extra-terrestrial critters emerge, which range from the scary kind you might see in "Aliens" to the menacing types in "Jurassic Park" to the huggable kinds that remind you of "ET". While imaginative, they don't amount to much more than colorful special effects for the summer movie-going audience and a target for our alien-busters to chase down. They have to be eradicated, you know, for the growing alien ecosystem threatens to cover the continent within months.
To complement this duo, they are joined in their battle by a fireman-in-training (Seann William Scott, whose inclusion is puzzling up until the final moments of the film) and a frostbitten doctor from the Center for Disease Control (Julianne Moore). But this foursome doesn't really exist to do battle against the alien infestation; rather, they are there to flex their individual comic muscles. After all, this is supposed to be a comedy.
Duchovny is actually a fairly amusing guy who speaks with deadpan earnestness. Moore's contribution seems to involve tripping and pratfalls. Scott, who's making a living as pothead characters, provides the puerile humor. While they'll elicit a chuckle or two, their comedic efficacy pales in comparison to Jones's comedic performance, who provides the funniest moments. For example, when a space bug somehow infiltrates his large intestines, they wheel him into the operating room. "Cheek spreader," says the doctor, "there's no time for lubricant." Jones yells back, "There's ALWAYS time for lubricant!" His fast-talking, head-bobbing, manic brand of comedy made him the most enjoyable of the characters. Overall, however, we are starved for more laughter.
While our intrepid group runs around, hunts down aliens, squishes bugs, and looks for answers, surprisingly, they never really go anywhere. And thus neither does the film. "Who ya gonna call?" Don't even bother picking up that phone.
Grade: C
S: 1 out of 3 L: 1 out of 3 V: 1 out of 3
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