EVOLUTION Directed by Ivan Reitman With David Duchovny, Julianne Moore UA North PG-13 103 min
Inside the business these days movies are referred to as "product," and Evolution is a prime example of why. It has been assembled with the wit and artistry of vegetarian sausage, and it delivers about the same amount of entertainment value.
Apparently the idea was originally for a serious/scary sci-fi flick, but when it reached director Ivan Reitman it reminded him just enough of his '84 hit Ghostbusters that he decided to make it into a comedy, and now it will remind you too of Ghostbusters, but not in a good way. For actors, they began with David Duchovny, because it was a space alien story. They matched him up with black comic Orlando Jones so they could do witty racial repartee ("Dark meat or white?" "What do you think?"), and fleshed it out with zingers like "Are you going to finish that bacon?" "Of course I'm going to finish it. I ordered it, didn't I?" They found Oscar nominee Julianne Moore with time on her hands and used her talents to play a CDC scientist who bumps into things and does pratfalls.
When they were though chuckling over that, they turned it over to the special effects wizards to create some digital alien and prehistoric creatures, ranging from cute to scary, and then they polished the whole thing up with flatulence jokes and anus probe jokes and, just in case it was getting too highbrow, they let Duchovny pull down his trousers and flash a moon through a car windshield. I can't remember when I've laughed like that.
Duchovny plays Dr. Ira Kane, head of an Arizona community college science department. He used to be a top army scientist, till he administered an experimental anthrax vaccine to troops which had some bad side effects (like diarrhea and uncontrollable flatulence!) He and fellow community college scientist Harry Block (Jones) are called to the site of a meteor that has burrowed into the Arizona desert, and they soon find that it contains an alien life form that starts as primal ooze but evolves at breathtaking speed into higher and higher orders of creature.
The military takes over. The officer in charge (Ted Levine) turns out to be Kane's old army colleague and nemesis, and starts sabotaging him. Julianne Moore turns up as a CDC scientist and bumps into things. Danny Ayckroyd arrives as the Governor of Arizona. The human race is threatened with extinction. The army screws up and creates a giant monster, and Kane and his pals have to save the earth by spraying a Head & Shoulders enema up the monster's anal sphincter - surely one of the worst product placement choices in history.
It's the kind of movie that makes you long for a fast-forward button.
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