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I didn't think Rush Hour 2 was coming out until August, so imagine my surprise to see it in theatres in early July. It wasn't nearly as funny as the first one, but all of other the important components were there - the little Asian man who can't talk the English too good, his annoying, marginally talented sidekick, and a whole bunch of kicking, punching, gunplay and explosions. But I think Chris Tucker has contracted that strange disease that made Michael Jackson white. And his voice seems to have gotten a bit lower, too.
What? That wasn't Tucker and Jackie Chan? My apologies.
Okay, I've got it now. The film I saw must have been a re-release of Luc Besson's The Professional, which is about a lethal killing machine with a heart of gold who tries to rescue a young, innocent girl from the evil clutches of a corrupt rogue cop, played by Gary Oldman. And at the end, there's a great scene where the good guy storms the police station with no help and raises all kinds of hell. Remember? It was Natalie Portman's first big film.
Huh? It wasn't The Professional, either? But it had Besson's name in the credits and everything.
Oh, yeah. It's Kiss of the Dragon, and Besson is only a producer and screenwriter (rookie Chris Nahon directs). The good guy isn't Jean Reno, but rather Romeo Must Die's Jet Li, who came up with the idea for this film all on his own. He plays Liu Jian, China's top government agent who, as the film opens, has embarked on a top-secret mission in Paris. The French customs officer asks if he is there for business or pleasure, and Liu answers, "Pleasure," even though we know he's all business.
Liu's operation involves participating in the protection of some Asian bigwig in conjunction with the Parisian police, headed by Richard (Tchéky Karyo, The Patriot). But it's all a big setup - in an unnecessarily complicated opening, a murder occurs, and Liu unwittingly becomes Richard's patsy. We don't know who the stiff is, or why Liu needed to protect him. We don't know why Richard wanted to snuff him, either. So how come everything is such a big secret? Because the script is lousy. The answers to these questions don't matter one bit, and, therefore, are never answered.
In the meantime, Liu befriends a recovering junkie/whore named Jessica (Bridget Fonda, Monkeybone), whose young daughter is being held hostage by Richard, who also happens to be Paris' top pimp. With her street connections and his bracelet full of acupuncture needles, the two form an unstoppable pair. Yeah, I said acupuncture needles. Liu uses them to incapacitate his enemies. Seriously.
Although everything takes place against a lovely Parisian backdrop (which is nicely shot by Besson's cinematographer Thierry Arbogast), most of Dragon is laughably bad. Like Romeo, Li's action sequences are so choppy, you can't tell what he's doing (as opposed to Jackie Chan's films). If you edit a scene enough, you could make Walter Matthau look like a black belt. Karyo has fun chewing up the scenery, but he's yet another one of this summer's non-threatening bad guys. He's French - how scary can he be? And Fonda, the kiss of death for any prospective hit, simply takes up space. Ironically, she starred in Point of No Return, the American remake of Besson's Le Femme Nikita.
1:40 - R for strong violence, language, some sexuality and drug content
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