CATS & DOGS -----------
Professor Brody (Jeff Goldblum, "Jurassic Park II") is on the verge of discovering a cure for human allergies to dogs. This doesn't sit well with Mr. Tinkles (voice of Sean Hayes, TV's "Will and Grace"), a pampered Persian seeking to return world rule to his fellow felines. When the Brody's dog, a canine agent named Buddy, is catnapped, the canine underground's attempts to plant a new agent is foiled and it's up to a Beagle puppy named Lou (voice of Tobey Maguire, "Wonder Boys") to protect the humans and foil the felines in "Cats & Dogs."
After the successful anthropomorphics of the "Dr. Dolittle" and "Babe" movies, "Cats & Dogs" would seem a natural. But a slew of special effects, Jim Henson's creature shop and trained animals can't make up for witless, charmless writing.
After the somewhat amusing catnapping episode, we settle in to watch a film that simply lays there. Dogs drive vehicles to headquarters and use surveillance devices. Ninja cats and a Russian Blue attack Lou. The professor forgets his son's soccer practice. Mr. Tinkles gets driven around in a limo. The Brody's are held for the ransom of the allergy drug, which Mr. Tinkles plans to reverse and distribute via a horde of mice. All of this is numbingly boring.
The dogs at least look like real dogs, although the vocal talents of Susan Sarandon, Maguire, Charlton Heston, Joe Pantoliano and Michael Clark Duncan are wasted. Alec Baldwin's Butch, an Anatolian shepherd, is the most likeable character in the film, although even he is forced to say lines like 'Son of my mother.' (Baldwin now has the distinction of appearing in two of the worst children's films ever made with this following "Thomas and the Magic Railroad.")
The cats are all clearly puppets, an uneven distraction. In fact the cats of "Cats & Dogs" bear more resemblance to Gremlins than to actual household pets. Yet even these cats fare better than the human cast. Jeff Goldblum appears to be in a drugged stupor, his apparent reading of an absent-minded professor. Elizabeth Perkins ("28 Days") is embarrassingly stiff and young Alexander Pollock ("Big Bully") is bland.
I couldn't be cattier - "Cats & Dogs" should be relegated to the pooper scooper.
D
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