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Poor François Pignon. His wife ran out on him two years ago, his teenage son won't have anything to do with him, and he just overheard he's being fired from the accounting job he's held for the last 20 years. So François does what any cinematic loser would - attempts suicide by jumping off the balcony of his apartment. But he's stopped by a nosy neighbor, who helps concoct a devious plan to keep François employed.
The neighbor is Belone (Michel Aumont), an older man who takes the desperate François (Daniel Auteuil, The Widow of St. Pierre) under his wing by instructing him to pretend he's gay in order to keep his job. It sounds like something George Constanza would do (or maybe even a nefarious Jack Tripper plan), although that would be one of three story arcs in a 23-minute show. The Closet is a film based on a single joke, making it no different from any of the recent Saturday Night Live movie bombs. Except SNL films are based on a single funny joke (all but The Ladies Man, anyway).
But Belone's plan works, earning François not only a promotion but the attentions of both a curvy female co-worker (Michèle Laroque) and a bumpy male co-worker (Gérard Depardieu, 102 Dalmatians). There are a few gags that made me laugh out loud, but most of The Closet is full of typically unfunny French humor, which (along with their attitude toward alternative lifestyles) seems to lag about 30 or 40 years behind the rest of the world. But I'll give them this - they've got a ban on using cell phones when you drive. That's almost enough to make up for the whole Jerry Lewis thing.
While the plot may sound similar to the abominable Three to Tango (where Matthew Perry pretended to be gay to win a contracting job), The Closet was written and directed by revered French filmmaker Francis Veber, who had a big hit last year with The Dinner Game (which featured Closet costar Thierry Lhermitte as François Pignon).
While he's hardly a household name in the States, Veber is directly responsible for some of the most vile cinematic swill of the last 20 years. Remember Three Fugitives with Martin Short and Nick Nolte? Veber wrote and directed that, as well as the original French version (Les Fugitifs) on which it was based (it starred Depardieu and a character named François Pignon, too). He also directed the inane Matthew Broderick vehicle Out on a Limb, and his French hits spawned the following U.S. disasters: Father's Day (Billy Crystal and Robin Williams), Pure Luck (Martin Short and Danny Glover), The Toy (Jackie Gleason and Richard Pryor) and My Father the Hero (Depardieu).
The really strange thing (other than the fact that people keep greenlighting films based on his ideas) is that all of these films are about a guy named François Pignon (or, sometimes, Perrin), and most costar Depardieu. Veber's next feature? An American version of The Dinner Game, starring Kevin Kline as Pignon.
1:27 - R for a scene of sexuality
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