The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001) Reviewed by Eugene Novikov http://www.ultimate-movie.com/
"When the light hits you a certain way, you kind of resemble Mussolini."
Starring Woody Allen, Helen Hunt, Dan Aykroyd, Brian Markenson, Wallace Shawn, David Ogden Stiers, Elizabeth Berkeley, Charlize Theron. Directed by Woody Allen. Rated PG.
There may have been a time when Woody Allen was a formidable auteur, but I do not remember it. With his last two films in particular, he has gone back to the strategy that propelled Manhattan Murder Mystery: shrimpy, arrogant, ultra-neurotic protagonist inadvertently gets himself in [insert predicament] way over his head. The formula is appealingly simple, and Allen's ear for distinctive old-codger dialogue as well as his equally distinctive acting usually lets him emerge from his often meandering scripts unharmed. In The Curse of the Jade Scorpion, however, he takes a few bruises.
Here, Allen plays CW Briggs, an old, old-fashioned, successful, insurance investigator in the 1940s who feels threatened by the arrival of the ironically named Betty Ann (Helen Hunt), a smart, confident "efficiency expert" who promised boss Chris Magruder (Dan Aykroyd) to streamline company operations. The two have a bantering hatred that is required by films like this to imply a match made in heaven.
One night, at a company shindig, CW and Betty Ann are pulled on stage to be guinea pigs for a professional hypnotist. He gives them both key words -- "Constantinople" and "Madagascar," respectively -- that, when uttered, will put them into a deep trance and make them malleable to instructions. He makes them pretend that they are honeymooners madly in love with each other, to the delight of all present. Later, CW receives a phone call that begins with "Constantinople," and ends with instructions to steal the priceless jewels of the Kensington family as only he can, since his company set up the security system that protects them.
It doesn't take a CW Briggs to figure out what happens next. Briggs, who has no idea what he has done, is put on the case even as evidence mounts against him. He confides in Betty Ann and seeks help, and then she herself is forced to criminal action. Part of the fun is the film's structure: the villain, after his introduction, is present only as a sinister voice over the telelphone (though we do see him as he speaks), and no other character knows what the hell is going on. This is mass confusion, very skillfully done.
Some people watch Woody Allen movies solely for the banter between his characters, and The Curse of the Jade Scorpion has one-liners aplenty. I especially liked it when CW bursts into a bewildered Betty Ann's room waving his arms and yelling "Resist the temptation to scream!" And who can forget the priceless "When the light hits you a certain way, you sort of resemble Mussolini."
Still, you can't help but feel a sense of deja vu. Allen's plots are so slight that his films play like comic book issues, with the same irrepressible character being placed in different situations. I think he needs a new angle; Jade Scorpion is always tolerable, and sometimes even more than that, but the formula won't be able to withstand a new installment.
Oh, and Helen Hunt is amazing, as usual. I maintain that there is nothing this woman can't do (except save What Women Want. Neither Woody Allen nor his character is a match.
Grade: B-
Up Next: John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars
©2001 Eugene Novikov
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