CONGO
A film review by Brian Lehr
Copyright 1995 Brian Lehr
Um ... what? Being the sucker for Michael Crichton that I am, I rushed out to see this on the opening weekend, much as did with BATMAN FOREVER the following week. Unfortunately, this film isn't even in the same league with the Caped Crusader.
As the movie starts off with a guy finding his friend's eyeball and then getting killed hinself, the "predictable" suspense just keeps on coming. People turn around slowly in fright and then scream so many times it gets laughable (or in the least, downright boring. If the fake gorrila suits don't turn you off, the fake actors should. I understand using "nobodys" (except for Tim Curry; love the accent), I mean ... it worked with JURASSIC PARK. But as with BATMAN, JURASSIC PARK towers above this ... not in plot structure or deeper meaning, but in basic entertainment of the audience. Frankly put, I didn't enjoy this movie, no matter how hard I tried, and I have been known to enjoy many a film despite its lack of plot, etc. (take ACE VENTURA, PET DETECTIVE). But you'd think for what is supposed to be a big-money film they could have gotten better sets than something you might see at Disneyland. The cinematography is good, with great shots of the jungle. But when we land back on earth for more bad acting and cheesy lines, you can tell we're in a set again.
CONGO sacrifices any point and goes for the quick kill, hoping the scary apes will freak the doubts out of us. With most of us, that shouldn't work ... I never found myself truly concerned or frightened by this movie. A little startled, perhaps, like you are when a car backfires, but nothing that stays with you like velociraptors jumping in your face. And after a while, even that ran out, as the @*%^#ing annoying mechanical voice of the main ape's mechanical arm got to me. She (the ape) looked bored too, not even trying to do sign language, just hitting her chest in the same way every time, perhaps thinking "Duh! This movie is insulting even my intelligence! Duh!"
For those of you who have read the book, and just *have* to see the movie, go ahead; it's your money. But let me also forewarn you that CONGO goes on a no-holds-barred charge full speed backward from the book. Characters are changed and plots are lost. But as movie makers grab hold of certain authors, and then their books, we must be prepared for stinkers such as CONGO. And the public doesn't help, considering the amount of $ CONGO grabbed at the first-weekend box office because fools like Yours Truly went and saw it before I looked at the reviews. In fact, by now we should probably expect them.
This movie squeezed a reluctant 1.5 (*1/2) apes out of me, mostly because of a good scene with Ernie Hudson in an airport (one of the *few* good scenes). "Run man, run!" Do that when you see this movie.
--
Brian's rating system: No stars- none : Total crap. Burn this.
One star-* : Really poor. Don't see if you you have a choice.
Two stars-** : Fair, could be better.
Three stars-*** : Pretty well done. Go see it if you can.
Four stars-**** : Great movie! I'm going back!
Five stars-***** : Holy Testicle Tuesday! A MUST-SEE!!!!!
-Brian the Snorf (Brian Lehr)
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