THE NET
A film review by Christopher Null
Copyright 1995 Christopher Null
This just goes to show that not only can Sandra Bullock not act, but she can't even pick decent projects, either. Sucked from the Hollywood buzzword list like a bottom-feeder looking for sludge, THE NET is trite idiocy that is socially irresponsible and irredeemable. I puked out loud.
I honestly can't believe a movie like this was made. Basically, it's the story of Angela Bennett (Bullock), a superstar computer hacker who runs across something she isn't supposed to, then finds her identity erased, her friends killed, and herself hunted down. Obviously a rush job to beat the other impending computer movies to the market, THE NET is one plot hole after another, with technological impossibilities filling the space between.
If you think for one second that Sandra Bullock is believable as a systems analyst who hasn't left her house in four years, you probably aren't mentally capable of reading this review. I mean, she's got an awfully nice body for someone who sits on her butt 24 hours a day.
The story and acting are pathetic, the only exception being comedian Dennis Miller, whose five minutes of screen time are more like a welcome intermission than a part of the film. Unfortunately, it's much too little, too late. THE NET is simply horrible in every way--the writing isn't clever, the jokes are unilaterally flat, the sound effects are silly (a wooden *carousel* horse actually brays) and the "romance" scenes are funny because they're so pitiful. Director Irwin Winkler (NIGHT AND THE CITY, 1992) isn't exactly on a winning streak here, either. As Miller's character puts it in the film, "I'm not buyin' the whole package."
The sad thing is that a movie vaguely similar to THE NET was made rather well in 1992 as SNEAKERS. Unfortunately, the producers of this film decided to make a "serious picture" about the dangers of a fully computerized society, ripping off the message of SNEAKERS, but forgetting to satirize it like that film did. I pray that no one takes this movie as a serious warning. The last thing we need in this country are more paranoid technophobes.
RATING: * [LOWEST RATING]
+-------------------------------+ |* Unquestionably awful | |** Sub-par on many levels | |*** Average, hits and misses | |**** Good, memorable film | |***** Perfection | +-------------------------------+
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