WATERWORLD
A film review by J. D. Silvester
Copyright 1995 J. D. Silvester
Having read the previous reviews of WATERWORLD that have been posted in this newsgroup, I decided to check out the movie for myself. I would like to start by saying that I did not go to the theatre expecting to walk away with an answer to the meaning of life and as such was not as disappointed with the film as other critics have been. If you are the type of person that expects a movie to provide you with all the answers to your personal problems, or you expect to walk away having experienced a "revelation," than save your 8 bucks for another movie! If, however, you are like me and you go to be entertained, then by all means go see WATERWORLD.
WATERWORLD is a "popcorn" movie. What do I mean by a "popcorn" movie? Hmmm ... the easiest explanation would be for you to watch the movie BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. That is a "popcorn" movie! Personally, I go to the theatre for a mind numbing, wholly entertaining experience. I like seeing great action, large explosions, and stunts that make annal retentive boobs go, "Oh man, that's so fake!" Of course it's fake butt-head, it's a damn movie!
However, for me, WATERWORLD was even more of an experience than I expected. Mostly due to the group of six juveniles seated in the row directly behind me. Thanks to this group of four girls and two boys, I got to learn who wanted to give whom a blowjob, how much alcohol they had consumed the night before, who was dating whom, whose sister had grown up more since they last saw one another, who could produce the loudest belch (to my amazement, a girl won that one, and yes, it was the girl seated directly behind me!), and I had the latest rock and roll release pounded out on the back of my chair by someone's feet. It also amazed me how many stupid questions this group could produce ranging from one girl asking what gills are (I am really unsure of what our youth are being taught in school today), to another girl constantly complaining about how boring the movie was then asking what was happening on the screen and why. Mostly because she couldn't hear the dialogue due to her own mouth constantly flapping!
Theatrical antics aside, WATERWORLD is enjoyable on a purely physical level. Large explosions, good stunts (many of which were performed by Costner himself), and of course Dennis Hopper, one of my favorite screen stars. A movie with Dennis Hopper, no matter how poorly done, always deserves some credit for his appearance in it. I found the name printed on the stern of the oil tanker, deservingly funny, though I almost missed it due to the peanut gallery behind me. It was at this point, one of the larger girls started beating on one of the boys.
If you get a chance to see WATERWORLD, I would suggest though that you sit at the very back of the theatre so that you don't wind up with your very own personal group of hooligans! Though, in my case it made for some interesting entertainment during the previews, most of which I had already seen.
Personally I give WATERWORLD ***1/2 (out of five). It loses a little, because for me there were a few dry spots between the action stunts. I give the girl's belch and 8 out of 10, her delivery was good, but she couldn't maintain it long enough to earn those extra couple of points.
Next time - THE NET, with Sandra Bullock.
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