DESPERADO
A film review by Jeff Inman
Copyright 1995 Jeff Inman
Here's the deal with reviewers today. They're all still ticked off about WATERWORLD and how it didn't really turn out to be as bad as they were hoping. But for all those millions they wanted more. Naturally! Hey! Where's my sensurround-character-development-slackjaw- scintillating-plotline? But, it was an okay movie. At least the Kostner character didn't fawn all over the babe, ya know what I'm saying?
So, now they're still mad. They're out for blood. And here comes DESPERADO, made, quite obviously, by that guy who made El MARIACHI for a measly seven thousand bucks. Let's see if he's got The Hollywood Disease. Well, sure enough, all the doctors are telling you that the patient has a bad case. Oh, they chortled along for the beginning part, but soon as they finished their popcorn, whaddaya know? "This movie has lost all its steam!" The director got caught in the "typical" problem of action pictures. All dressed up and nowhere to go.
Listen up and I'll give you the straight poop on DESPERADO.
This movie is full of the kind of life that Hollywood has been needing for years. Violent? Yeah, it's violent. So? So, it's violent. Is the violence "realistic"? Get outta my face with your "realistic"! No. Not exactly. But guns run out of ammo at inopportune moments, and the good guy, or bad guy, whatever the hell he is ... he kicks some butt and has a good time doing it, and I had a good time watching. I'll wager that real live guys don't comb back their ponytails just 30 minutes after having knives inserted into their shoulder muscles. But who asked ya? And the babe is lovely. Or did I say that already? She's a winner. I'd like to thank her, sometime.
So, we got your basic plot elements: guns (we're talking twin Ruger .45s, MAC-10s, M-16s, etc, and of course, the eminently respectable Desert Eagle .44), gorgeous women, plenty of bad guys, and this special new element that you weren't expecting: humor. No fooling. I know you're probably imagining the typical lame Hollywood excuse for a joke where the smoke clears and the Good Guy mouths some ironic one-liner that you've already heard ten times. But that ain't it. I better not describe it. Trust me. There's humor here.
Is it an all-time classic like THE SEVEN SAMURAI? No. Okay? It is not a 10, like THE SEVEN SAMURAI. But only 3 or 4 movies have ever been made that could compare with THE SEVEN SAMURAI, so get away from me with your little numbering system. It isn't a 10. Maybe 7.5. But I run a tough scale. I don't go giving out 10's every day. Not even 9's. You ask: what about LIKE WATER FOR CHOCOLATE? 6.5! Ha! So, now you're asking, okay wise-guy, I suppose you loved TERMINATOR. Well, okay. Yeah. TERMINATOR's an 8. We could go on like this, but if you aren't convinced to go see DESPERADO yet, then forget it. And if you are convinced, then okay. No need to argue. They should make more movies with this kind of quirkyness, originality, and style.
-- Jeff Inman jti@santafe.edu
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