FAIR GAME
A film review by Edwin Jahiel
Copyright 1995 Edwin Jahiel
** Directed by Andrew Sipes. Written by Charlie Fletcher, from a novel by Paula Gosling. Photography, Richard Bowen. Editing, David Finfer, Christian Wagner, Steven Kemper. Production design, James Spencer. Music, Mark Mancina. Cast: William Baldwin, Cindy Crawford, Steven Berkoff, Salma Hayek, Christopher McDonald, A (Joel) Silver Production distributed by Warners. 89 minutes. Rated R (mayhem, killings, language).
A Candid Interview.
Q: Why did you go to see FAIR GAME? A: Because there was nothing else to review. Q: Come now, you wanted to ogle supermodel Cindy Crawford in her screen debut, right? A: No. Prurient ocular tendencies are disappointed in any case, since there is a single, fleeting glimpse of Crawford's bust "au naturel." She is, however, in tight tops most of the time. And I expected no display of acting in this kind of movie. It is unfair to judge anyone who is mostly in fast-moving evasive actions. Garbo couldn't have acted in that part, nor Lombard, Streep, Lange, or you-name-her. Also, when it comes to looks, I think that the Mexican beauty Salma Hayek (DESPERADO) is the real winner. To my taste anyway. Q: Okay, what's it all about? A: Dade County, Florida lawyer Kate is the target of mysterious people--for reasons one cannot fathom. There's an explanation near the end, but it's still a silly muddle. What's at stake is over 800 million dollars. The Kate-hunters are ex-KGB men plus one woman deadlier than Lotte Lenya in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. Q: Whom does Baldwin play? A: Aw, c'mon. Whom else than the super-duper-heroic-fast-invincible-unscathable police detective Max who meets cute with Kate in the interrogation room (not a bad scene) and joins his fate to hers. This is a one-theme movie, except for about three diversions. Rita (Hayek), Max's ex-girlfriend, makes a scene at the police station, later unloads Max's junk on the street below. Quite funny. At the station, too, a man in jail suit gets a gun and endangers all --until Max tackles him. Q: I've a feeling I saw this just days ago. But where? A: In COPYCAT, also a Warner Bros. release. Call it a studio system. Q: Tell me more about the action. A: It has all the things you expect, plus more. Shootings, corpses, unending bullets from Max's gun, chases, a helicopter, more chases, attacks, counterattacks, derring-do... Typical of producer-Schlockmeister Joel Silver. Q: You mean there's this horrible violence that's destroying our country? A: Are you kidding? No one can take any of this seriously. The audience kept laughing. Imagine Max jumping into a swimming pool, in slow-motion no less, during which he gets off several shots from his handgun! Imagine the good guys being chased by the killers who drive three black, electronics-laden Jeep Wagoneers that feel like three Darth Vaders on wheels. Q: Electronics you said? A: Yes, the most important aspect of the whole movie is that the bad ones are computer geniuses, and I mean geniuses. Ah, that KGB training! Their machines do things my computer couldn't even start thinking of, and they do it with the speed of light. No waiting for little screen clocks to finish spinning their hands. Q: Do the electronic marvels impress you? A: Here and in other movies they remind me of the Greek mathematician Archimedes (he of "Eureka!" fame), referring to the lever and exclaiming "Give me where to stand , and I will move the earth." Now we can say "Give me such equipment and I can get my next-door neighbor elected President of the United States." Q: Are these techno-miracles superior to others in films? A: The villains and their gizmos beat all hollow the C.I.A machines that progressively enlarge satellite photos in PATRIOT GAMES. They hear and see everything, with sophisticated heat-sensors too. They get information on people faster than in THE NET. To trap Crawford and Baldwin in a hotel that uses electronic room keys, by remote control the KBGers cut off the current there, lock all the rooms. But our heroes somehow get out. The sinister ones can also falsify documents and create anything they please in a flash. That's why, the moment an FBI man shows up to help, you know he's a fake. Q: Who are those former KGBers? A: Only Allah in his wisdom knows. Kazak (the arch-monster) is played by Steven Berkoff. Most of the time his accent is American. Then he tries what someone with a dead hearing-aid battery must have told him is a Russian accent. Toward the end he lamely attempts a British accent. Q: Any other goofs? A: Lots. Aside from the plot not making sense, there are constantly impossible heroics and acrobatics. Max puts his car in cruise control and jumps onto a moving train; as the car crashes, Max lands in the wagon without a scratch. A screenful of bank names includes "Union de Bancs Suisses" instead of "Banques," which makes it the "Swiss Union of Benches." There's more. Q: What's the most spectacular side of the movie? A: Its explosions of everything. They invariably become huge fireballs which, added together, would rival the fiery napalm ending of APOCALYPSE NOW. Our lovely couple is of course always a step ahead of the blasts. Q: Do Baldwin and Crawford make love? A: Please! Don't you take it for granted? Don't you know that on TV and in movies cops are always handsome, bright and able, and that both male and female leads are unattached? Q: Any more funny bits? A: The whole movie is so outrageous that it can be funny up to the time viewer fatigue sets in. There's an amusing scene of Kate (who catches on fast) going to a computer store and vamping a young nerd into letting her use his machine. That's where the sexual allusions come in. When the young man's glasses steam up and he says things like "I was playing with my joystick" or "hardware," Kate's ironical-sexy expression, facial and spoken, is perfect. Crawford may deserve a comic role. Q: You normally rate movies severely, like recent ones that were more ambitious than FAIR GAME. How come you give it two stars? A: Because it is unambitious and unpretentious. It is honest in its dumb, cartoonish, boom-boom lack of depth. When the video comes out, if you watch it from your bed, the film is so undemanding that it can be restful.
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