The Muppet Movies
Film reviews by Andrew Hicks
Copyright 1996 Andrew Hicks / Fatboy Productions
THE MUPPET MOVIE (1979) ***1/2 This movie is everything THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL wasn't. This one's well-written, funny and Kermit and the others don't take a back seat to the human co-stars, even though there are over twenty Hollywood superstars of yesterdecade thrown in. The only reason I don't give THE MUPPET MOVIE four stars is because of the stupid songs they sing. But the rest of the movie is great. We actually get to find out where Kermit came from (Well, when two frogs _really_ love each other...).
At the beginning of the movie, Kermit is sitting on a log with his banjo, completely surrounded by water (I guess Henson had to hold his breath for a while), singing a merry little song. He is discovered by a big Hollywood agent (Dom Deluise--now you know why I said "big") who just happens to be rowing by in a canoe at the time (He took a wrong turn in Toledo) and tells Kermit he's got talent. Kermit agrees, and sets off on a journey to Hollywood.
Before he gets very far, he finds Fozzie "Wocka Wocka" the Bear, a struggling nightclub comic, and the two resume travel in Fozzie's Winnebago which he inherited from his uncle, who isn't dead, just hibernating. They are intercepted by Colonel Sanders' evil twin, who owns a chain of fried frog leg restaurants and wants Kermit as his spokesfrog. Kermit will do nothing of the sort, however, and spends the rest of the movie being pursued by the frog leg guy.
En route, he manages to pick up Miss Piggy, Rowlf the Dog, the Electric Mayhem Band, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker as well as running into a mad scientist (Mel Brooks) who wants Kermit's brain, a very sarcastic waiter (Steve Martin), a used car salesman (Milton Berle) and countless other walk-on actors.
The only thing I can't figure out was how Kermit was able to ride a bicycle. But they say once you learn how, you'll never forget for the rest of your life.
THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER (1981) **1/2 The second muppet movie is also the second worst. It's not as fresh or funny as THE MUPPET MOVIE (see THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN), but it's sure a whole lot better than THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL (see THE MUPPET MOVIE). This time, the muppets play reporters out to get to the bottom of a jewel theft. In the middle of all this is more lame song-and-dance numbers and guest star cameos, most of which I didn't recognize.
My advice, stick with the original MUPPET MOVIE and the MANHATTAN one (see THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL or THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER). Even the reviews for those movies are better than this one.
THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN (1984) *** Sue me, but I like those muppet movies (except for that stupid Christmas one). They have a certain level of adult sophistication and humor that goes right over the heads of the kids these movies are targeted toward. That's why I watch these movies, you know, to appreciate the sophisticated adult humor rather than the surface level gags and songs. Yeah right. And I read Playboy for the articles.
Anyway, this time Kermit and the gang are off to new York to try to get their little musical on Broadway. They soon discover Times Square patrons aren't really that interested in fully-clothed singing animals. So while Kermit tries to find a play producer who will put them on Broadway, the Muppets all have to get jobs in New York. I tell you, the things those muppets will do for money. I found the Miss Piggy topless bar scene to be quite interesting.
THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL (1992) *1/2 Oh boy, talk about your major disappointments. When I see the word "muppet" in the title, I expect something major, but it seems that since Jim Henson... uh... passed on, those muppets just aren't the same. In their fourth movie, they try to do a muppet version of that Dickensian tale of Ebeneazer and the three ghosts... or was it seven dwarfs?
Anyway, Disney did it much better when Mickey was playing Bob Crachit and Uncle Scrooge was playing (guess who) Scrooge. In the muppet version, Michael Caine plays Scrooge and Kermit the frog plays Crachit. The main problem with this movie, besides the bad writing (No offense, Dickens), is that the story is about Scrooge and the muppets are just in the background. Kermit's only got a supporting role this time and he wasn't too happy about it. I hear he turned green.
And, as in any movie rated G, the characters break into song at the drop of a puppet. Even Scrooge sings! I find it hard to believe the people in movies that sing just make up the words and elaborate staging on the spot and that the background music comes from nowhere yet is everywhere, like they'd like us to believe. And I suspect the muppets don't do their own stunts either.
And the jokes... The jokes in this movie are bad, even by my standards. Example:
RIZZO THE RAT eats a piece of fruit.
GONZO: That fruit's made out of wax, you know.
RIZZO THE RAT: Yeah, I was wondering about the texture.
I think Jim Henson just turned over in his grave. I mean, the jokes inside Bazooka bubble gum wrappers are funnier than this! So, to sum up: Muppets--good, Michael Caine--okay, Songs--bad, Jokes--worse, Jim Henson--dead.
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No snide comments, please. I wrote those when I was fifteen years old.
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