D. C. CAB
A film review by Andrew Hicks
Copyright 1996 Andrew Hicks / Fatboy Productions
(1983) *1/2 (out of four)
If anyone had been able in 1983 to forsee a late-night cable show hosted by Gilbert Gottfried showcasing some of the worst films of the 80's, they'd agree D.C. CAB is the quintessential "USA Up All Nite" movie. It's one of those childish R-rated movies that kids would love but can't see until it's edited for TV. It's also one of those pointless, almost plotless movies with hardly any laughs. And, strike three, it pairs Mr. T with Gary Busey.
I heard Gilbert say D.C. CAB had "an all-star cast," but I'm still hoping there was some degree of facetiousness in that statement. When third-billing goes to a two-minute appearance by famed flashdancer Irene Cara "as herself," you can't say a damn thing about all-star casts. Likewise for token appearances by Marsha "Roz" Warfield, Paul Rodriguez and "Politically Incorrect" host Bill Maher, before he was somebody. Appearing in D.C. CAB pretty much had the opposite effect on everyone else, especially Irene "I'm Gonna Live Forever" Cara.
D.C. CAB is an ensemble comedy from Joel Schumacher (who would go on to direct BATMAN FOREVER) about a bunch of misfits who drive cabs. You get the feeling if the POLICE ACADEMY cadets had made a different career choice, this would be the result, except here you have such interesting characters as the "token white guy" (Busey) who wants to get in tight with the blacks now before they take over the world, the token jive talker named Tyrone (Charlie Barnett) who wears his hair in rollers and uses the word "honkey" as much as possible, the tough guy with the mohawk and gold chains (Mr. T -- a real stretch for him), the aspiring musician waiting for his big break (Maher), the Mexican gigolo (Rodriguez), the woman who actually wants to drive cabs for a living (Warfield) and the guy who wants to own a cab company for a living (Adam Baldwin).
We've all seen dozens of bad comedies from the 80's. Some are fun to watch and some are actually funny. This one is more or less neither. You'd think plenty of comedic sparks would fly from the assemblage of talent (whatever), but D.C. CAB more or less falls flat on a continual basis, culminating in the usual contrived Hollywood finale as Baldwin is kidnapped and the other cabbies have to go to rescue him. It's a shame no one was able to rescue this movie from the depths of stale jokes and unoriginality. D.C. CAB has rightly earned its position on "USA Up All Nite."
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