COOL AS ICE vs. BARB WIRE
A film review by Shane Henry
Copyright 1996 Shane Henry
Movie Review comparing Cool As Ice against Barb Wire
By Banana-Kin, Z-Grade Movie Critic
Statistics:
Cool As Ice Barb Wire
Stars: Vanilla Ice Pamela Anderson Lee
Michael Gross (Family Ties) Pam's "Two Friends"
1991 1996
Review (Cool As Ice was rented from Formum Video in Rolla) :
Starring as "Johnny", (Starring being the operative word) Vanilla Ice demonstrates his (lack of) acting ability. Mr. Ice roles into town as a member of a rap band when one of his band members motorcycles breaks down. While the band waits on the repairs, Vanilla meets a high school girl. Worlds collide as her 4.0 life meets resistance with Vanilla's strong, free, dashing style. As the typical storyline would go (not too original, but for Mr. Ice it probabally is), her father (Michael Gross; Family Ties) forbids Kathy to see Johnny. Her father associtates Johnny with some crooked cops that he informed on some twenty years eariler that are now out for revenge.
Vanilla Ice delicately mixes charm with rap music and motorcycles, and even finds a use for his musical abilities (puke). Vanilla's entire acting career can be summed up in his most defining line: You don't know me.
You don't know me AT ALL.
Star rating: (0 stars-poor *****-excellent)
*/2 (One-Half Star)
Review (Barb Wire currrently playing at the Uptown theater in Rolla) :
Pamela Lee (Pamela Anderson: Baywatch) sets acting back 2,000 years as she "stars" as Barb Wire, a mercinary with a set of incredible upper kinetic energies (She is Gravitationally ImPAIRED Pardon the PUN). Set in the future of the "Second American Civil War", Ms. Wire carves out a meger existance as a bar owner in the last free city in America. Audiences, predominately male, will enjoy being able to hear Ms. Wire's thought process as Pamela Lee narates partions of the movie. The movie centers around the new government as it crushes the resistance, and Ms. Wire is the contact for both sides. People are traced through Retinal Scans... where the retina is scanned and recorded similar to fingerprinting. (Why not just use fingerprints?)
Romance meets with guns and grenades as Ms. Wire recounts her love with past freedom fighters and looks great in camoflauge.
This is definitely a T&A movie. The only saving grace for this movie was that I saw it for free. Laughs are frequent for the audience with a critical eye. As unrealistic as her silicon breasts, the movie was complete waste of my time. DEFINITELY do not see this with your wife, girlfriend or date.
Star Rating : (0 stars-poor *****-excellent)
*/4 (one quarter star)
Hey, she is pretty hot!
The review above was posted to the
rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup (de.rec.film.kritiken for German reviews).
The Internet Movie Database accepts no responsibility for the contents of the
review and has no editorial control. Unless stated otherwise, the copyright
belongs to the author.
Please direct comments/criticisms of the review to relevant newsgroups.
Broken URLs inthe reviews are the responsibility of the author.
The formatting of the review is likely to differ from the original due
to ASCII to HTML conversion.
Related links: index of all rec.arts.movies.reviews reviews