SPY HARD
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1996 James Berardinelli
RATING (0 TO 10): 3.0 Alternative Scale: *1/2 out of ****
United States, 1996 U.S. Release Date: 5/24/96 (wide) Running Length: 1:21 MPAA Classification: PG-13 (Sexual innuendo, mock violence) Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Cast: Leslie Nielsen, Nicolette Sheridan, Andy Griffith, Charles Durning, Marcia Gay Harden, Barry Bostwick, Stephanie Romanov Director: Rick Friedberg Producers: Rick Friedberg, Doug Drazin, and Jeffrey Konvitz Screenplay: Rick Friedberg & Dick Chudnow and Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer Cinematography: John R. Leonetti Music: Bill Conti U.S. Distributor: Hollywood Pictures
Clunk.
Clunk, clunk, clunk.
THUD!
Those are the sounds of the would-be jokes in SPY HARD repeatedly falling flat (alternatively, it could have been the sound of my head hitting the seat-back in front of me as I tried to knock myself senseless to avoid watching any more of this film). Director Rick Friedberg (who made the "bad golf" videos with Leslie Nielsen) has crafted a dreadfully unfunny comedy that takes NAKED GUN-like sketches and rehashes them without a whit of style or energy. Lead actor Nielsen appears worn out and co-star Andy Griffith looks like he'd rather be solving murders in MATLOCK.
Despite the title, which might lead you to believe that you're in for a lampoon of Bruce Willis' highly successful action trilogy, SPY HARD has nothing to do with DIE HARD. This is actually a spoof of the James Bond movies, with a few uninventive jabs at PULP FICTION, CLIFFHANGER, IN THE LINE OF FIRE, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, SPEED, ET, SISTER ACT, TRUE LIES, RAMBO, and JURASSIC PARK thrown in. However, these are guaranteed to provoke more winces than laughs, even from those who find just about anything funny. And, as far as mocking Bond goes, SPY HARD does a worse job than CASINO ROYALE.
There are two memorable, moderately-entertaining sequences in SPY HARD. The first is the opening credits -- a direct take-off of Maurice Binder's 007 work, with naked, silhouetted models doing underwater acrobatics. Only in this case, half the women are obviously overweight. Meanwhile, Weird Al Yankovic sings "Spy Hard", a none-too-subtle takeoff of "Thunderball" with moderately-clever lyrics. In fact, if there's one aspect of SPY HARD worth lauding, it's Bill Conti's music, which suggests just about every film that's parodied without ever resorting to a strict rip-off.
Then there's a HOME ALONE spoof, with Mason Gamble (DENNIS THE MENACE) standing in for Macaulay Culkin. This time, however, the tables are turned, and the two crooks get to have their way with the kid, giving him more than a taste of his own medicine.
The basic storyline, such as it is, has agent WD-40, aka Steel, Dick Steel (Nielsen), out to stop the armless madman, General Rancor (Griffith), before he destroys the world. Steel is accompanied by a beautiful young spy, Veronique (Nicolette Sheridan). Along the way, Steel and Veronique get help from a number of Bond-esque characters, including an "M" in his dotage (Charles Durning), his oversexed secretary, Miss Cheevus (Marcia Gay Harden), and a "Q"-type. Cameos abound: Mr. T, Fabio, Robert Guillaume, Robert Culp, Ray Charles, Pat Morita, Alex Trebek, Hulk Hogan, and Dr. Joyce Brothers. (Not exactly a list like the one from THE PLAYER, is it?)
For movie-after-movie, Leslie Nielsen has milked this same personality, and it's starting to wear very thin. As affable as the actor is, there's just nothing left in this caricature. However, while SPY HARD might have worked better with, say, Roger Moore in the title role (his 007 was a parody towards the end, anyway), Nielsen's performance is only a small part of a massively-flawed production. HARD is the operative word here, because, even at just eighty-one minutes, this movie is unbelievably difficult to sit through.
- James Berardinelli e-mail: berardin@bc.cybernex.net web: http://www.cybernex.net/~berardin
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