SPY HARD
A film review by Andrew Hicks
Copyright 1996 Andrew Hicks / Fatboy Productions
(1996) **1/2 (out of four)
SPY HARD isn't quite on the comedic level of the NAKED GUN trilogy, but it does definitely hold its own in the realm of joke-a-second parody movies. This time Leslie Nielson, looking about 70, takes on the James Bond series while also working in parodies of HOME ALONE, TRUE LIES, APOLLO 13, and others. He plays suave secret agent WD-40, who is called out of retirement to rescue the daughter of his only true love, who he accidentally dropped off a cliff fifteen years ago.
The daughter is being held captive in the island hideout of the evil General Rancor, played by Andy Griffith, just one of the many down-and-out Hollywood faces you'll recognize in SPY HARD. Nicolette Sheridan, whose resume is eternally marred by the fact that she's voluntarily had sex with Michael Bolton, plays Nielson's love interest. There are also token appearances by Mr. T, Hulk Hogan, Fabio, Dr. Joyce Brothers and a few other second-rate cameos who are notorious for saying or doing anything as long as there's a check involved.
Nielson's secret agent co-workers themselves prohe director of the spy organization is so paranoid about secrecy that he always disguises himself as a piece of office furniture (or a pair of blinds [or the floor] ) for the ultimate stealth. Then there's the seven-year-old agent who looks like Macaulay Culkin and attacks a couple intruders to his house. This time we see what would have happened if the blow torch over the door didn't work and the swinging paint cans hadn't caused enough damage to knock the burglars out.
Some of the best moments are direct parodies of the Bond films, as when a secretary named Miss Chevious trades obscure sexual innuendoes with Nielson in the tradition of Bond and the venerable Miss Moneypenny. Even the opening credits skewer the Bond series, with "Weird Al" Yankovic singing the theme while the usual lithe female silhouettes swim by in the background. Soon a few incredibly obese women swim by as well, followed by a few farm animals and inanimate objects. Before too long you're wondering if you're in the wrong theater watching TWISTER again.
Nielson is definitely the actor most suited for this genre of film. He can deliver the most corny jokes possible in such a serious way that it's funny for an entirely different reason. Yes, comedy is just that complicated, but if you like these kind of movies, SPY HARD is well worth watching. If you thought the NAKED GUN movies were a bunch of crap, stay away. And if you feel suicidal hearing dialogue exchanges like "I'm gonna shoot you so full of holes you'll look like Swiss cheese," followed by Nielson's Italian-accent reply, "That's no Gouda," you're better off sticking to something a little more serious... like TWISTER.
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