ERASER
A film review by Zak Forsman
Copyright 1996 Zak Forsman
Ugggh!!! I just came from Eraser and I'm crying. This is the most horrible, horrible film I've had to see all year. Worse than Twister, worse than Mission Implausible. Thank God I didn't have to pay for it. I co-write a review column here in Pittsburgh, PA and I cannot find it in my heart to recommend this movie to anyone--at all. For starters, I am sick and tired of lines like: "Clean up this mess." after the head bad guy kills someone. Or when a 'good' character turns 'bad' and says it's because,"I'm a businessman." What garbage, man. Total trash. Why, why, why are women in films always weak-minded and innocent. I mean Vanessa Williams was introduced as a "bonified honest person." Is this what the screenwriters think of honest people? Anyway, what troubles me is that when characters like her's show an act of strength, we're supposed to automatically cheer. What the hell is that? I'll tell you, it's a lack of respect and confidence in the movegoer. They play it safe with what's familiar to us and, unfortunately, we often do what they expect. Also, with regard to her character--must the woman always be the victim of beatings by antagonists out to prove just how bad they can be? Or what's even more common, to be used as a hostage/body sheild? Okay, minus that aspect I will concede that the rest of the film. . . . . . . was just as bad. How does Arnold survive smashing down the roof of a car? No broken anythings? Oh, he must really be the Terminator, I get it now. And another thing--was there truly anyone out there that watched the introduction of James Caan's character that didn't think he was either going to be the 'mentor that gets killed' or the 'good guy that has sold out'? And those damn aligators were too big and too pissed off don't you think? I mean they were growling!!! Come on! I guess living in an aquarium will do that to you. So then, what the hell were they feeding those things anyway? The same thing they fed the hippo from Congo? Probably. Lastly, the guy from the opening scene that helps Arnold out during the end. Tell me we haven't seen this character of the funny buffoon sidekick in countless versions. Just tell me. Oh, and thank God for small-time mafia hoods, too. As I watched the movie I kept a list of redeeming qualities. I have two. Most of the bit-part characters, despite they were walking cliches, were funny and about a handful of the one-liners were just hysterical. Buuuut, unless you enjoy seeing the same Hollywood fare you've been spoon-fed since Arnold's Commando in 1986, do yourself a favor and avoid this one. It was horrible.
SCREENWRITING: 0% DIRECTION: 0% ACTING: 50%
GENERAL SCORE: 16.7% (F) -- (each catagory is grade in 25% increments and divided by three to find the average)
Zak Forsman, filmmaker Swan Pictures Independent
(This gives me the opportunity to give a much more free and honest review than I will submit for publication. Thanks for reading and any comment, criticizm, ->insults<-, are very welcome. Thanks.)
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