INDEPENDENCE DAY
[Spoilers]
A film review by David Roche
Copyright 1996 David Roche
Why, oh why, do I always believe the hype? Any time that a big big BIG movie is announced, I get so excited, thinking that this is gonna be a GREAT one! Oh yes, this is gonna be a classic, dammit!
I'm almost always wrong.
I honestly don't remember the last great movie I've seen. Hell, I'll settle for a good one! These days, it seems as though the only movies that satisfy are the low-budget, no-name flicks. They have real characters, genuine plots, and visual beauty un-enhanced by computers.
Last night, my sweetie and I went to see "Independence Day"... I was really excited about it, considering the amount of positive press it's been getting. The covers of Time AND Newsweek featured it, so we both thought it had to be worth all the fuss.
Boy, were we wrong.
It wasn't all bad, though. The first half hour was fairly well done, although I thought that there were too many "Poseiden Adventure"-type characters being introduced. This movie is essentially an Irwin Allen disaster flic without Shelley Winters, which is, in my opinion, a good thing.
Anyhow, once we've gotten to know the series of cliched characters (the well-meaning US president who's thought of as a wimp, the drunken vietnam vet living in a trailer, the wife of a fighter pilot who just happens to be an exotic dancer, and so on and so on...), a bunch/flock/herd/ fleet of alien vessels appear in the skies over most major world cities.
Then the fun begins. As the aliens, who turn out to be bad news, decide to destroy the cities above which they're hovering, we're treated to some amazing special effects. And then... when the destruction ends, we're left with 90 more minutes to think about what we just saw. 90 minutes or so of every major movie cliche, all rolled into one movie. From mock patriotic speeches, to the death of the president's wife, to the dog that just BARELY makes it to safety during the invasion, to...oh, I can't go on...
If anybody reading this is a fan of bad movie cliches, I'd be really interested in hearing how many you may have counted. I'm guessing there have to be at least 50 of them. I groaned at the part where the US president, in the presence of an alien invader, gets a headache suddenly, and manages to learn exactly what the aliens' plans are through some kind of telepathy! How damned convenient, hmm?! What a stroke of luck!
But my very favorite, and least favorite, moment occurs when the character played by Jeff Goldblum, decides how to destroy the alien invaders....
WARNING : Spoiler alert!!!!
Now LISTEN to this one! Goldblum decides that if the humans could somehow get aboard the alien spacecraft, they could simply upload a computer virus in order to take down the aliens' shields... It's just a matter of convenience that the humans have a perfectly operational alien spacecraft and a person willing to fly it into the motheship. So Goldblum and Will Smith (who is fun in the movie...best thing about it) fly into the mothership, at which Goldblum presses a key and uploads the virus to the alien's main computer (I guess even aliens use IBM-compatibles...or maybe he just transferred some kind of flu virus...that'd make more sense.). To assume that the audience for a modern sci-fi picture would be dumb enough to accept such a banal plot device is insulting to me! Even IF these aliens used what we call "computers", isn't it ridiculous to think that someone could press one key and access them immediately? Especially considering they must use a different language, different materials, different everything. And besides, even if I were to accept such ridiculous BS, don't you think an advanced civilization which has mastered spaceflight to such an extent, would have a damn program installed to ward off computer viruses!! My old piece of junk Amiga computer even had a virus checker!!!!
I give up. This is obviously not a review, you're thinking. You're right. It's an appeal to film makers to please make movies which challenge our intelligence. And it's an appeal to film-goers to avoid such mindless drivel, or at least to tell others what you thought of it.
If ANYONE out there feels as I do about this film, please write me... I'm so pissed, I'm considering starting a USENET group devoted to ranting about bad movies...
GRRRR!!! :)
Oh, by the way, out of 5 virii, I give this movie a rating of 1 virus.
Thanks David Roche
droche@frognet.net
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