PHAT BEACH
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1996 James Berardinelli
RATING (0 TO 10): 1.0 Alternative Scale: 1/2 out of ****
United States, 1996 U.S. Release Date: 8/2/96 (wide) Running Length: 1:29 MPAA Classification: R (Profanity, sex, nudity) Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Cast: Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins, Brian Hooks, Claudia Kaleem, Jennifer Lucienne, Sabrina Depina, Coolio Director: Doug Ellin Producer: Cleveland O'Neal Screenplay: Doug Ellin and Brian E. O'Neal & Ben Morris Cinematography: James Lebovitz and Jurgen Baum Music: Joseph Williams U.S. Distributor: Orion Pictures
The "first wave" of beach pictures arrived in the early-to-mid- '60s. With titles like BIKINI BEACH and BEACH BLANKET BINGO, these dumb movies inevitably starred Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon, and appealed to teen-agers. Some twenty years later, the beach genre was re-invented for the '80s, with bare breasts and g-strings added to the mix (the reprehensible 1984 feature, HARDBODIES, was indicative of what this second generation offered). Now, in 1996, we have PHAT BEACH to contend with, and, if anything, it's worse than everything to precede it. I just pray this won't revive a category of motion pictures better left interred.
A legitimate contender (and, to this point, probable winner) in the "worst movie of the year" sweepstakes, PHAT BEACH is bad enough that it would still look terrible amidst all the tripe offered as late night cable fare. It's amazing that there are three credited screenwriters, considering the lack of one humorous, original, or intelligent moment during the eighty-nine minute running time. PHAT BEACH has a very restricted target audience -- young African American males (most of whom are theoretically too young to be allowed into an R-rated movie). With such limited appeal, hopefully this film will disappear quickly. Ultimately, the soundtrack will probably draw more interest than the actual movie.
The story centers on a shy, overweight would-be-poet by the name of Benny King (Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins). Benny is a sensitive teen who believes in true love and wants to spend his summer enrolled in a writing class. His father, however, has different ideas, and makes sure that Benny gets a job at the local House of Hamburgers fast food joint. But, when Benny's family goes away on vacation, our hero's best friend, Durrel (Brian Hooks), entices him away from the straight-and-narrow. Together, the two head for a Southern California beach with its lure of women dressed in skimpy bikinis -- or less. There's also a $10,000 beach volleyball tournament to be won (at least, I think it's beach volleyball -- the direction and editing are so inept that it's difficult to be sure), and, coincidentally, Benny has a deadly serve.
It would be easy, not to mention accurate, to accuse PHAT BEACH of failing to create believable female characters, but the sad truth is that there aren't any multi-dimensional people in this film, male or female. Even Benny is just a pathetic stereotype. That said, however, PHAT BEACH is still guilty of blatant sexism. This is the objectification of women at its most offensive. There are more exposed buns and thinly-concealed nipples here than in a SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit issue. Female characters who actually have spoken lines (as opposed to just tan lines) don't impress with their wit or eloquence, although one girl manages a few words in French ("C'est votre monde"). Worse still, the film makers actually appear proud of this, and there's no evidence that it's being done in an even remotely satirical vein.
I didn't care about, or for, anyone or anything in this film. In fact, I hated just about everyone, especially the incredibly annoying Durrel, whose comeuppance isn't nearly as nasty as what he deserves. PHAT BEACH is an atrocious example of mindless cinema -- the kind of bad movie that doesn't possess a single redeeming feature. All things considered, even knowing how awful those '60s beach pictures were, I'd rather sit through an Avalon/Funicello triple feature than endure a second showing of something as creatively barren, emotionally stunted, and generally vile as PHAT BEACH.
- James Berardinelli e-mail: berardin@bc.cybernex.net ReelViews web site: http://www.cybernex.net/~berardin
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