GLORY DAZE
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 1996 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): 1/2
"Ever wonder whatever happens to the pampered rich kids the liberal arts colleges turn out year after year?" GLORY DAZE opens with that question, but the answer they give is less than satisfying. Rich kids it seems are so enamored with their pointless partying and hanging out, that they don't want to leave. You, on the other hand, may want to make a fast exit if you accidentally find yourself watching this assemblage of cardboard characters. This movie gives a new meaning to the word boredom.
Set in the lovely seaside college town of Santa Cruz, we have a group of college seniors (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Vinnie DeRamus, Vien Hong, and French Stewart) who live together in a rented house. Actually Slosh (Vien Hong) has long since given up on college, but the others are preparing to leave town after graduation until they decide that they can not give up their male camaraderie. They take an unconvincing vow to stay together for another year. Jack (Affleck) says, "Let's rage at the dying of the light a little bit." Continuing in this stream of insightful thinking, he later tells us that, "People say nothing is forever. I say how do you explain herpes or The Grateful Dead?"
Decorating the guy's world are a group of women (Alyssa Milano, Megan Ward, and others). The guys are stick figures, but the women's roles are worse - visual wallpaper.
The writer of THE JERKY BOYS, Rich Wilkes, takes his first stab at directing with this film, and he also wrote the script. The film is so bad that it borders on self-parody. Some of the dialog is kind of cute in the abstract but is leaden in this low energy and never believable film. Think of it as ANIMAL HOUSE ON VALIUM.
As they line up for their graduation materials, the smart aleck kid handing them out ridicules each student with individualized jokes. "Psychology major right? I love my mother, but not as much as you guys think I do."
Although the kids in the film spend time in class on such artistic creations as a golden hand holding a CD, their professor seems to be even more unbelievable. Art Professor Luther (John Rhys-Davies who was Sallah in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK) alternates between trying to seduce his minions and providing cheap philosophy including: "It is poetry that will save the world, not commerce," and "Art isn't just the vomiting up of adolescent angst."
Nothing, I repeat nothing, happens in the movie. The picture tries sometimes to be mildly offense by using gratuitous bad language and constant drinking. Their parties feature a guy with a funnel so he can drink himself to death at a record pace. Actually, the show is so lame that it is not even effective at being offensive since these scenes are all so false.
In my least favorite sequence, the fascinating monologist and fair actor Spalding Gray (MONSTER IN A BOX) plays Jack's father. Jack's parents are visiting the college to ridicule their son Jack for not being on the fast track in life like them. Jack rebels, "Mom, dad, you both screwed up your lives. Now back off and give me a chance to screw up mine." His dad tells him his liberal arts education is worthless and to, "send me a postcard from skid row."
The only character with any charisma is the shy cartoonist and student Mickey (DeRamus), but his lines are pathetic. When he finally gets his putative girlfriend to his room, his come on line is, "I like you - the kind of like you where I get to see you naked. No more of this palsie walsie stuff."
At the end the movie attempts to come alive with a few shocks. Dennis (Stewart) calls their actions, "Preservation through destruction." Like the rest of the picture it is predictable and an unmitigated disaster.
GLORY DAZE runs about an hour and a half, but will feel like an eternity. It was not yet rated when I saw it, but I suspect it will get a PG-13 or an R. There is no violence or sex, but there is a little nudity and a fair amount of bad language. The film should would be acceptable for most teenagers although I am not fond of the message it gives, but I strongly recommend that this miserable piece of film making be avoided by all ages. Only because it was more boring than painful, do I give it 1/2 of a star.
**** = One of the top few films of this or any year. A must see film. *** = Excellent show. Look for it. ** = Average movie. Kind of enjoyable. * = Poor show. Don't waste your money. 0 = One of the worst films of this or any year. Totally unbearable.
REVIEW WRITTEN ON: September 17, 1996
Opinions expressed are mine and not meant to reflect my employer's.
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