LARGER THAN LIFE
A film review by Rob Conrad
Copyright 1996 Rob Conrad
I just came back from seeing Bill Murray's elephant movie. I wish I had happy news for you, but I don't. Bill has been very, very funny in the past and in some part of himself he must know how far off the tracks he has gone, like even the worst alcoholic knows dimly, in the back of his or her mind, that they once had another life somewhere and that it was different from where they are now. Bill, if you can hear me -- if this reaches you -- Get away from the people you're with! Move your legs! RUN!!! You can do it!
This movie blows like an elephant blows. It sucks like an elephant sucks. Even though it was written by Roy Blount, Jr., one of my favorite prose comedians, the script is inept, embarrassingly predictable and irritatingly, boringly cutesy-pie. There is no dramatic tension. You can see the end of the movie from the beginning of the movie. The best Bill lines come in (literally) the last five minutes of the movie, and the best line before that is delivered by Bill's mother in (literally) the first five minutes of the movie. If it should ever be my great fortune to meet The Great Smart Ass Comedy God face to face, I will ask him for a partial rebate on the $5.75 I put into his alimony payments this evening.
I know mainstream American cinema has dug itself into a deep, deep rut, but -- Bill should examine his artistic conscience and think long and hard about why he feels the need to participate. Bad Bill! Kneel!
IN A NUTSHELL
Even avoid it on video or at the 99 cent theatre. One huge elephant trunk down!
AND BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CARE DEEPLY ABOUT THE STATE OF THE CINEMATIC ARTS IN AMERICA TODAY
Why do we feel the need to put EVERY SINGLE PERSON who was in ANY WAY connected with the movie, in the credits? I'm talking about people identified as Assistant Accountants (yes!) and Coffee Person (true!), and I'm just getting started. What's next, The Guy Who Put the Sprocket Holes In the Film? I believe we're heading for a situation where the credits will eventually be longer than the film. We'll watch names for 87 minutes and then a very brief two-minute movie, about as long as a trailer is now. A few cars will explode, two people will hold onto each other like velcro while Whitney Houston sings part of a song, maybe a quick shot of Arnold Schwarzenegger or Whoopi Goldberg, and that's it, that's your movie. Ticket prices won't go down. This is what I'm thinking! _____________________________ Rob Conrad (540)628-TYPE Dependable Type Graphic Design robconrad@naxs.com
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