THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 1996 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
"Life is pain. Get used to it!" tells the formerly amnesiac suburban mom to her frighten little girl. Geena Davis plays mom Samantha Caine and once paid CIA domestic assassin Charly Baltimore.
The creative team of director Renny Harlin and his wife Davis, who brought the world that bomb known as CUTTROAT ISLAND, this year give us Davis as a female Steven Seagal in THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. Although Davis is talented, Harlin has exactly one decent film to his name, DIE HARD 2, and a string of ridiculous ones, including such turkeys as NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4 and THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE.
If you like big budget, rock 'em, sock 'em action films and don't mind repetition, then perhaps THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT will appeal to you.
If you saw CHAIN REACTION this year and liked it, you will get to relive all of the explosions and fights. Davis gets to put on a pair of convenient ice skates to outrun a speeding car, but other than that, you've seen all of the stunts before. Harlin does manage to spend all of his backers' money in one explosion after another proving that his profligate excesses are rarely rivaled. Oh well, the dream of every producer is that escapism like this will sell lots of tickets and popcorn.
Mild mannered Samantha has been trying for eight years to find out who she is and who is her daughter Caitlin's (Yvonne Zima) father. Having run out of funds to hire real detectives, Samantha scrapes the bottom of the barrel employing Mitch Henessey (Samuel L. Jackson), who is a combination PI and scam artist.
One day she is in a car accident that starts her transformation back into a paid killer for the government. Henessey is shocked by her metamorphosis, especially the degeneration of her language, saying, "Now, you go into a bar, and the sailors start running out."
After innumerable explosions, fistfights, gun fights, and bloody scenes straight out of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, Harlin's action machine concludes in Niagara Falls where he gets to blown up a bridge and the obligatory tanker truck. Whew.
Character development along the way consists of lots of stick figure CIA agents and bad guys working together to screw the taxpayers out of their money. Patrick Malahide plays CIA operative Perkins. Of course, the President (G. D. Spradlin) has dirty hands too. Spradlin has little acting range, but his demeanor is so slimy that he is quite effective. My favorite role of his was as the corrupt Senator Pat Geary in THE GODFATHER: PART II.
Unless you need an action fix, there are only two reasons to see THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT. First, there is good chemistry between Davis and Jackson, who both have a lot of fun making the picture. Second, the dialog by Shane Black has several funny lines. My favorite is when Henessey explains on Larry King Live that, "I am always frank and earnest with women. In Chicago I'm Frank, and in New York I'm Ernest." Most of the humorous lines are unprintable forms of double-entendre.
THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT runs a full 2:00. By half way through, I got tired of seeing yet another blast and wished editor William Goldenberg had exercised more control. The film is rated R for excessive violence too often reminiscent of a horror flick and constant bad language used mainly to shock. The film has no sex or nudity. Teenagers used to a diet of heavy movie violence will probably like the film, but I don't see why anyone would bother. THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT gets a thumbs down from me and a * 1/2.
**** = One of the top few films of this or any year. A must see film. *** = Excellent show. Look for it. ** = Average movie. Kind of enjoyable. * = Poor show. Don't waste your money. 0 = One of the worst films of this or any year. Totally unbearable.
REVIEW WRITTEN ON: November 1, 1996
Opinions expressed are mine and not meant to reflect my employer's.
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