THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST
A film review by Scott Renshaw
Copyright 1997 Scott Renshaw
(Paramount) Starring: Fran Drescher, Timothy Dalton, Ian McNeice, Patrick Malahide, Lisa Jakub. Screenplay: Todd Graff. Producers: Howard W. Koch Jr. and Todd Graff. Director: Ken Kwapis. MPAA Rating: PG (mild profanity, adult themes) Running Time: 109 minutes. Reviewed by Scott Renshaw.
Like most television performers venturing into feature films, Fran Drescher chose a first starring vehicle which would be comfortable in its familiarity. THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST finds Drescher, TV's "The Nanny," playing...well, a nanny. Not much of a stretch, it would seem, until you take into account the fact that Drescher isn't just playing a nanny in this case -- she's stepping into the shoes of the quintessential representation of screen nanny-dom, Julie Andrews. You see, THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST may be part variation on "Beauty and the Beast" and part variation on the old "fish-out-of-water" comedy, but at its core it is something else. THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST is really THE SOUND OF MUSIC remade, with a nasal New Yawka instead of a novitiate.
That may not sound terribly appealing, and indeed the extent to which you will enjoy THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST may depend on how much of Drescher you can take in one sitting. She plays Joy Miller, a New York beautician teaching night school and living with her parents (Michael Lerner and Phyllis Newman) while she waits for the perfect job and the perfect man to come along. She has a chance for both when she ends up on the front page of the New York Post for saving several lab animals from a classroom fire, and that headline brings her to the attention of Boris Pochenko (Timothy Dalton), the despotic "president" of the tiny Eastern European nation of Slovetzia. Pochenko wants his children to be prepared for the New World Order, and believes they need a Western teacher for that to happen. Unfortunately, Pochenko believes Joy is an actual schoolteacher, a misconception Joy is in no hurry to dispel along with the $40,000 a year she is receiving.
THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST is a slight, meandering little film which is hard to get a handle on. Todd Graff's script goes most of the expected places, creating conflict between the controlling Boris and the uncontrollable Joy and providing stock characters like a good advisor (Ian McNeice) to take Joy's side and a bad advisor (Patrick Malahide) to make the soon-to-be-reformed Boris look better by comparison. He also tosses in obscure references (how many audience members are going to remember NORMA RAE?) and scatters his multiple sub-plots all over the pace to be picked up whenever time permits. The plot drifts from Joy's street-wise counsel to each of Boris's children to preparations for the arrival of potential foreign investors, never really lingering anywhere long enough for the events to be of anything but casual interest. Director Ken Kwapis doesn't develop any kind of comic rhythm in BEAUTICIAN, allowing many of the thin gags to stand alone. He and Graff know how the film is supposed to begin and how it is supposed to end; it is the vast middle which provides the problem as they search for some kind of structure in which to place their characters.
I suppose one alternative to creating a structure is swiping one, hence the extended riff on THE SOUND OF MUSIC. The similarities could almost be represented by one of those tables with the two films as the headings. In THE SOUND OF MUSIC, Maria leaves the Mother Superior in search of something wonderful; in BEAUTICIAN, Joy leaves her superior mother. In THE SOUND OF MUSIC, Maria goes to work for a domineering military man and takes responsibility for his brood of children; ditto in BEAUTICIAN. In THE SOUND OF MUSIC, eldest daughter Liesl has a surreptitious romance with a young man whose politics clash with those of her father; eldest daughter Katrina (Lisa Jakub) has the same problem in BEAUTICIAN. By the time Boris and Joy realize their love for one another while dancing at a grand party (sound familiar?), I would not have been surprised to hear Timothy Dalton break into a chorus of "Edelweiss"
At least THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST ends where THE SOUND OF MUSIC should have ended, with the kiss before all the political upheaval. The romance in the film is actually fairly appealing, thanks largely to the entertaining work of Timothy Dalton. He has a gruff, goofy charm as the Stalin-esque dictator who grows warm and cuddly, giving spark to Boris' sudden desire to become a populist even if it doesn't make much sense. He also shares a nice chemistry with Drescher whenever she tones down the attitude for a quieter moment, but quiet is a relative consideration where Drescher is concerned. It may seem a bit unfair to knock her for that grating squeal which can reach dog-whistle pitch when she raises her voice; after all, it isn't as though she chose it. There is also no question that it can be distracting, even if it is her calling card and gives her an edge many female comics could use more of. If you can get past the Drescher Drone, you might be able to ride along on the feather-light romantic comedy of THE BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEAST. When the sound of the leading lady is hardly the sound of music, however, that kind of enjoyment may not be as simple as do-re-mi.
On the Renshaw scale of 0 to 10 beast-laid plans: 5.
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