THAT DARN CAT
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 1997 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
"I'm so upset," says Mrs. Flint (Dyan Cannon). "I'd cry, but my tear ducts haven't worked since my last eye job." Her maid has been kidnapped and is being held for ransom. This is one of the better pieces of dialog in Disney's remake of THAT DARN CAT, but it, like the rest of the humor in the show, elicits little laughter. The film is so bad that I found myself wishing it had a laugh track. With a laugh track I could at least pretend the movie was funny.
I am careful to warn my readers about films. For this one there is a simple admonition: Get coffee. Unless you imbibe significant amounts of caffeine before entering the theater, you stand a good chance of not being able to stay awake through the many long and dull parts. We had four adults in our party, and two of them kept nodding off.
The original 1965 movie version of THAT DARN CAT starred Hayley Mills and Dean Jones. (Jones, playing Mr. Flint, has a small part in the remake.) It was not the sort of classic film that might suggest that a remake was in order nor did the remake's producer, Robert Simonds, have any fresh ideas for the project. The film appears to have been made solely for a quick profit. Simonds seems to have figured that any Disney film featuring a animal had to be a success. The remake is devoid of imagination and creative energy.
The putative star of the show is a cat named D.C. D.C. is owned by angst-filled teenager Patti Randall (Christina Ricci). Patti explains that she wears all black because that is how her soul feels. Ricci gives a lifeless performance. Perhaps she should have heeded my coffee advice.
D.C. roams the town every night at 8:00, and on one of his excursions he finds the kidnapped maid. The maid gives D.C. her watch on which she has started writing the word "help." Patti takes the watch to the FBI and shows it to Agent Zeke Kelso. This part, which was acted by Jones in the original, is played for broad humor by Doug E. Doug in the remake. Although I hated Doug's performance, I do give him credit for being the only actor to exert any effort. The others are on autopilot.
Even the cat in the picture is given nothing challenging to do. Most scenes of D.C., played by a cat named Elvis, have him running across rooftops. Except for the one scene where he growls, his single expression is as boring as the rest of the picture. I have three cats, and all are more emotive than D.C.
As a cat lover, my favorite scene in the picture an FBI agent ordering D.C. to move. "Go, go, go!" he demands, but the cat is unimpressed. Patti looks the agent sternly in the eye and says, "You're not a cat person, are you?"
Most of the film relies on sight gags that you have seen a million times before. There is a board in the fence that swings around and hits people and animals on the head. People fall down stairs. One character tries walking but finds that he has a trash can stuck on his foot. Etc., ad nauseam.
In a typically unfunny scene Kelso comes to Patti's rescue. "You smell really bad," says Patti. "What happened?" The agent explains, "Got into a fight with a dumpster and lost."
When everything else fails, go for explosions and car chases. Director Bob Spiers, whose previous experience was directing television series, tries to end the show with a bang, but the lengthy chase scene is as repetitive and tiring as the rest of the picture.
The show's biggest conundrum is the script. It has no ingenuity and yet is by the same creative writing team of S. M. Alexander and L. A. Karaszewski who won the Golden Globe award for THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT. They also did the script for ED WOOD. Both of these scripts are wonderful and highly creative. Although I do not understand it, I think there may be a hint in the press kit. Every one associated with the film has a lengthy biography except for them. It just says they live in LA and have been writing together for ten years. No mention is made of their previous pictures. Could it be because they whipped up this screenplay without much thought, and now want to disassociate themselves from the project?
Too often critics are too easy on kids' movies. If the pictures are lifeless but harmless, they give them two stars. This version of THAT DARN CAT has nothing to challenge minds of any age, and the jokes are pathetic. Whereas I do not doubt that many kids will like it, it could and should have been so much better. Why shouldn't we aim a bit higher for our youngsters? Intelligent scripts can be both successful and funny, as the one for TOY STORY proved.
THAT DARN CAT runs 1:39. It is rated PG for some explosions and one mild expletive. It would be fine for most kids although the loud noises might scare some kids under 4. My son Jeffrey and his friend Kerry, both about 8, give the show thumbs up. Their favorite line is the one about coughing up a hairball. I give this pitiful excuse for a movie thumbs down and a single *.
**** = A must see film. *** = Excellent show. Look for it. ** = Average movie. Kind of enjoyable. * = Poor show. Don't waste your money. 0 = Totally and painfully unbearable picture.
REVIEW WRITTEN ON: February 14, 1997
Opinions expressed are mine and not meant to reflect my employer's.
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