THE FIFTH ELEMENT
A film review by Dr. T. White
Copyright 1997 Flying Inkpot
Directed by: Luc Besson Story by: Luc Besson Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen Cast: Bruce Willis, Milla Jovoich, Gary Oldman, and Ian Holm Produced by: Columbia Pictures and Gaumont Productions Running Time: 127 minutes Rating : ** for narrative coherence, **** for sheer fun
It's hard to watch this film without thinking about the fact that it's the most expensive movie ever made. Not because it looks so cool (and yes, it does look really cool), but because it's just not worth it, and obviously so. Sure, it's a hell of a lot of fun, but then so is FARGO at a fraction of the cost of THE FIFTH ELEMENT. For the cost of this movie, you could make at least ten really good movies... maybe even twenty or thirty.
The biggest problem with the movie is that it really doesn't make a lot of sense. Besson's original story was much longer, maybe three or four hundred pages, and in the process of cutting it down to affordable (!) length, it has lost a lot of important information. Without reading about the movie before seeing it, I would have been completely lost. So anyway...
THE FIFTH ELEMENT, which takes place in the 23rd century, is about a New York cabbie, Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis), who just happens to be a former special forces agent (surprise!). Dallas gets involved in a scenario in which a "dark force" is consuming all that is good in the universe and can only be countered by the mysterious "Fifth Element". And the Fifth Element just happens to be...an incredibly cute, spunky girl (Milla Jovovich) with hair that looks like orange yarn and nipples that are highly visible regardless of what she is wearing. Standing in the way is Zorg (Gary Oldman, with the world's worst accent and haircut), an evil guy who wants the four stones (oh yeah, forgot to mention those...they are necessary for the Fifth Element to conquer the dark force; don't ask, I don't understand it either) in order to give them to the dark force (why?).
So they all end up on a resort ship in space, along with an offensively stereotyped black disc jockey named Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker), and all hell breaks loose as the various characters seek the four stones (hidden inside a blue opera singer from some other planet) before the dark force consumes the universe. OK.
So the story make very little sense, but, as I said, it looks really cool (lots of special effects and explosions), and it is unexpectedly very funny. Unfortunately, it all seems so familiar. In fact, the film reminds me very much of Total Recall (not Blade Runner, as Columbia and Gaumont would have you believe), not just in the special effects but in its sense of humor as well. Both share a macho main character in a future world that is confusing to a real, hands-on type of guy who likes to blow things up and hit people, as well.
This film is important only as an example of what can be done (and the limits of what can be done) with a hell of a lot of money. It will not go down in history as a great film, or even as another Star Wars or Indiana Jones type film (you know, intellectually undemanding but endearing for largely unexplainable reasons). But everybody's going to go see it, so go ahead (and you MUST see it on the big screen). You won't be overly dissapointed, but you won't be all that impressed, either. Let's just hope that Besson doesn't get so much money for the production of his next movie; maybe it will make more sense.
THE FLYING INKPOT's RATING SYSTEM: * Wait for the video. ** A little creaky, but still better than staying at home with Gotcha! *** Pretty good, bring a friend. **** Amazing, potent stuff. ***** Perfection. See it twice.
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