THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK
A film review by Geoff Cashman
Copyright 1997 Geoff Cashman
In a word: Pathetic
It is exceptionally rare that I ever think poorly of a movie. I tend to be very easy to sway with movies. I easily suspend disbelief, and get involved in some of the most idiotic of movies.
Jurassic Park, the original, was an outstanding movie from a few different perspectives. The special effects were of course amazing, and even today people talk about them. The acting was tolerable or better, and had some excellent moments. It was easy to get involved in the movie (for me) and actually be concerned about the fate of most of the characters (though the lawyer was a dead giveaway as a deadman). I still pop this movie into the VCR occasionally, 4 years after it was released. I think that says enough.
This sequel pales in comparison.
First, the acting... There were some very minor moments when the acting became acceptable, but for the most part it was horrid. Jeff Goldblum is a talented individual, but working as a lead without other strong acting leaves him blowing in the breeze. His one liners added a strong dimension to the original, and ruined this movie. The rest of the actors were dismal for the most part. The would-be predator queen is fake and depthless. The second Ingen team leaders are pathetic, droll, remakes of a mishmash of characters from 1950s movies. The evil corporate nasty nephew is so awful he incited giggles in me.
Casting: Tolerable for the most part. But why an African-American for Goldblum's kid? Completely shallow point to attempt to make the movie politically correct (in-movie comments about noting that she couldn't be his real kid was disgusting at best). Sprinkle in pointless environmentalist, would-be do-gooder team leader, and well it just becomes pathetic.
Plot: Hi! Let's make a second island so that we can trash another forest! Totally unbelievable in fabrication. Next, let's make a theme park complete with a name and gosh nobody noticed it being built and wondered what it was for. Add in lame attempts at making t-rex seem parental (wtf for? So we sympathize with the beasts?), and setting one free in San Diego (at least the producers had the decency to make fun of themselves for their obvious Godzilla rip offs), and the plot becomes a dismal modernized version of a big evil monster with a heart goes crazy scenario overplayed in movies decades old.
In the first movie, the dinosaurs had depth. The raptors were incredible, and done exceptionally well. The T-rex was left as he should be for a movie of this kind...a semi-psychotic carnivore of massive proportions. Any efforts at giving depth to the big reptillian birds in this one was like lofting a feather in a gale force breeze.
Stupid scenes:
o People standing on a dock watching a freighter coming at them at 26kts and *not* running until it crashes into the dock. o Getting into the high hide or whatever they called it. Ummm... can't the jeep holding the cable be broken? Umm... Can't the tree be knocked down? Ummm... is there a functional problem here? Nah, couldn't be. This is a Speilberg movie. o Dinosaur breaks leg. Let's save it while the parents are looking for it. They won't look here will they? The T-rex just has the largest olfactory cavity of any of them. He own't smell us here. Nope. Neither will momma T-rex. Not a chance. COMPLETELY manufactur scene. o Raptors attack party, picking off people at the back of the running group of about people. Nobody notices a thing until they're the next one getting jumped by a raptor. Duh, gee George, what's all that noise behind us? Shouldn't we like, duh, check it out? No Lenny, keep running, and don't use your gun. Criminy. How about a knock down drag out fire fight with the raptors for crying out loud? Action movie? Eat fest is more like it. o Let's all run down this valley while being chased by a t-rex and run into this waterfall. No, we don't know what's behind it.... probably a wall, but let's run into it anyways. Oh wow! There's a cave here! Oh my, that T-rex tongue feels amazingly like an R.O.U.S. (Princess Bride reference). o The stampede scene was ludicrous. Gizmodified jeeps and cycles chase down rampaging horde of dinosaurs. Insert Token to play game.
I could rattle on here for a while. Heck, if I continued I might have a chance of boring everyone as much as this movie bored me.
The *only* strong point about the movie was the special effects. This computer imaging stuff is really coming along nicely, and it's beginning to become indistinguishable from the real thing. The effects deserve a nomination if not an Oscar. Bravo!
Quick summary: This movie was a complete money grab. After Speilberg did Schindler's List it seemed like he was really trying to make a go of it as an artist, rather than a capitalist with alot of movie making talent. Now, I'm not so sure. This movie is raking in big bucks (breaking every major record in its first 4 days of release, over $100 million already in the coffers) though and that will keep the studio happy. Horrible acting, totally manufactured plot in development and execution, and outstanding special effects make for a movie that is pure eye candy and nothing more.
One the Dino scale: 4 unhatched compy eggs out of a possible 4 mature T-Rexs.
Bleah.
- Geoff
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