THE SAINT
A film review by Jun Yan
Copyright 1997 Jun Yan
I have not seen such an idiotic screenplay for quite a while and therefore had a hard time adjusting to it in the first half of this movie. What puzzles me most is that so much money was put in this totally brainless thing, why couldn't they have written a remotely tolerable story?!
The film starts with an unconvincing and over-the-top of the origin of Simon the magician as an unhappy and oppressed boy in a Catholic school. Years later, this kid becomes not only the best "independent" international thief around, but the most charming womanizer. Somehow, he gets intangled into a sticky Russian business to steal a cold fusion formula from the beautiful physicist at Oxford. The bad guys want the formula and the girl, so does the Saint. You can guess the rest.
Both Val Kilmer and Elizabeth Shue are good-looking people and dedicated actors, which made their presence on the screen all the more comical and ridiculous. I'm not saying scientists cannot be cute blond young women, but Shue's Emma Russell was so silly and neurotic that could not pass for a high school freshman girl who desperately tries to fit in. Her insecurity was so severe that I suspect she realized very clearly how far her performance was from a real scientist. The script did not help at all. All her speeches about her scientific breakthrough were so completely stupid that it was just laughable. Surrounded by all the high tech toys carried by Val Kilmer (which were not that impressive anyway), guess where she hid her secret formulas that might solve the energy problems of the whole world? They were written on 6 small pieces of paper and she hid them in her bra!!! Wow. She's truly an "old fashioned" girl, isn't she?
It must have been great fun for Kilmer to switch from one disguise to another and from terrible British accent to stumbling Russian English. But the problem is the same as that facing the hero Simon -- sometimes he was lost as to who he was playing and what disguise to use. In quite a few occasions, he appeared to be just as confused as the audience.
The portrait of Russia and villains in this movie were totally ridiculous and implausible as well as the plot. It's even hard to enjoy it as a totally bogus fantasy because it seemed to take itself quite seriously. The special effects and stunts were just as crude and childish as the story. The characters were worse than cartoonish -- they were dumber than the Jim Carey/Jeff Daniels duo! There was no chemistry between them and the relationship was in the least bit touching or convincing. I can hardly believe how poor the quality is in every aspect of this movie. It's degrading and insulting to Russian people, scientists, and any viewer who has half a brain.
The only two good things about this film were the beautiful views of Europe and the physical appeal of Kilmer, who was terribly good-looking here (which you can hardly miss with such a self-indulging performance). I read somewhere that Kilmer's an extrememly intelligent guy. Well, I guess one can't believe everything s/he reads.
"The Saint" is like a big, stupid joke that pretends to be intelligent and stylish. What can be worse than that? I'm glad I didn't pay $7 for this crap. No choice but to give it an F.
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